The New Walker Library

When I first visited the newly renovated Walker Library in Uptown, Minneapolis, I'll admit I was underwhelmed. Perfectly decent library in an attractive, spacious building, but for some reason I was expecting something... monumental. Maybe because they completely gutted the old building, maybe because the renovation took so long, or maybe just because the Downtown library is such a brilliant architectural achievement. I walked in and it just seemed like a library.

But then I came back a week or so later to hang out, and I realized it didn't smell, the carpet wasn't stained, the walls weren't pealing, there were no homeless people sleeping on the couches, and I didn't feel like I was in somebody's dank basement. A perfectly fine library in Uptown might be something monumental after all.

The old Walker library was literally in a basement. You walked into the main entrance, which was just a stairwell that went underground to a subterranean dungeon. The best thing I could say for it -- other than that it's a two minute walk from my apartment -- is that it was always cool, at least temperature-wise. Remember the slot on the front door where you could return books either after hours or just without having to go inside? It just dropped the books onto a slide that spiraled around and around until it reached the basement. Ridiculous.

Anyway, this isn't in a basement, which means it actually has windows. In fact, it's all windows, at least on its front three sides. The back leads to a parking garage, but in the front its bright and offers a great view of all the condos being constructed through-out Uptown. They've also replaced all of the future with a variety of tables and chairs that are pastel colored, which looks jarring at first, but it's pretty cool and fun. The only problem with the variety of chairs is that some are less comfortable than others, and like most from this style of retro chairs, the ones that look the most enticing are usually the worst. But none are terrible.

There is no roof-top patio, which maybe isn't worth mentioning. Why did I think this would have a roof-top patio? I dunno. I just did. The previous library may have been in a basement, but above ground it did have a cute little park area. Of course, I never sat there because I didn't want to sit on one of the benches and prick myself on some used syringe. That park was gross and nobody's going to miss it. The Library letters sculpture is preserved and placed around back, near the entrance to the parking area, in case you were curious. I was happy to see them again.

You can rent an iPad, which is pretty neat. It's free with a library card, but it asked for a pin number, which if I have, I don't know what is is. I'm sure one of the librarians could help me out, but I don't care enough. Why would I do with an iPad for two hours that I can't take out of the library? Also, if it's damaged or lost while in your possession, there's a $500 replacement fee. Fair enough.

So how are the books? I dunno. I have a Nook. There are a lot of books on my Nook, and this library is a comfortable, lovely place to read them. Check it out.

Don Ate That Part 1: Microwavable Cheeseburger

Mac's Fish & Chips

Mac's Fish & Chips opened around the corner from my work a couple of months ago, and I've been meaning to write this review already, but frankly I've just been too busy eating there. Long story short: Mac's is a fish and chips joint, which already makes it a worthy destination, but luckily it's also a pretty good one.

I was born and raised in New England and spent my summers on the beach eating at shacks just like Mac's... sorta. Minnesota is a land-locked state (sorry, Minnesota, but none of your ten thousand lakes count) far from a real beach or local fishing village, so of course it's not going to compete with what I had as a kid... but nothing ever does. 

Think of Mac's as sort of the Matt's bar of fish and chips. For comparison's sake, I'd call the Anchor the 112 Eatery of fish and chips, and Stella's... well... I honestly can't think of any reason to go to Stella's. But I was talking about Mac's: You go up to a counter, order from a menu that includes fish, clams, chicken, and shrimp, get a beer, then sit down and shove it all in your face then leave happy. Before it was a fish and chips joint, the space used to be a yoga studio. For some reason I find that hilarious, and if every yoga studio in Minneapolis turned into a fish and chips joint, the world would be a happier place.

As I said, they opened a couple months ago on the same block where I work, so I've been there enough times that I've already worked my way through their menu. Here are my thoughts:

Halibut:  The most expensive item on the menu, and also the best. It's a huge, flavorful, flaky white fish. Remember the opening of the Flintstones where Fred orders those brontosaurus ribs that are so huge they tip over his car? That's how I felt when the guy brought over my halibut. The fish literally stuck over the tray and looked so big I thought the table would tip over. But I'll be honest: at first glance I wasn't that impressed with the sight. I thought it looked like long john silvers and assumed it was going to be all hard batter with little to no fish inside, but then I took a bite and it was perfect. The batter was perfectly tender, the fish was perfectly cooked, and... this is important... it tasted like fish without being fishy.

Walleye: A Minnesota staple. I certainly never heard of walleye until I moved out here. I suppose this is the freshest fish in the place, and as the mid-priced option, the value basket has become my regular choice when I stop in. It's not as huge a chunk of fish as the halibut, nor is the flavor quite as exceptional, but it's still perfectly cooked and a great piece of fish. This is what I always get, and it's what I'd recommend first.

Cod: Good, but not all together exceptional, and seems to vary in quality from visit to visit. The first time I tried the cod was as a sandwich, and it wasn't very good. It was small, had too much batter, and tasted like a fish filet from McDonald's. I later gave it another shot as part of a value basket, and it was way better. It was actually good, but still not as good or flavorful as the walleye or halibut. It's cheap, though, and it's probably what people get for their kids. It's ok, but I recommend spending the couple dollars more and getting something better.

Shrimp: Fried jumbo shrimp. These were great, and surprisingly huge. They were lightly battered, so you could really appreciate the shrimp flavor. Not much you can say about fried shrimp other than that they were plump and delicious. I only got these once, however, because they are a bit pricy for the amount you get. That's not necessarily a complaint since shrimp is just one of those things I'd need to eat a dozen of before I'm full.

Clams: Good, but not great, and maybe disappointing if only because I was so excited to see clams on the menu. As I said, I grew up in New England, and fried clams were a staple of my childhood cuisine, and these didn't quite live up to my memory. They were fine and had the same light breading as the shrimp, but they didn't have enough clam flavor, and were a little too thin and not thick as they should be. I might try these again as a sandwich to create a clam roll, but then again I'll probably just get the walleye. I don't want to sound like a snob, but if you didn't grow up on the Atlantic ocean eating clams, you might love these more than I did.

Chicken: The only thing on the menu I'd maybe call bad, but because I love the place so much I'll be charitable and just say they weren't too my liking. The chicken itself was clearly of a high quality, but the batter just didn't work for me. They tasted like chicken made with the same batter as the fish and cooked in the same oil, so they were some kind of amalgam of chicken with fish flavor, if that makes any sense. I think they should use a lighter batter, or just the breading they use for the shrimp and clams. I just didn't really care for them. Having said that, however, I did eat the entire order, so they weren't awful.

Fries: Freshly cut french fries. Not much to say here, other than that they are pretty good and perfectly compliment the fish.

Cole Slaw: Yeah, every order comes with cole slaw... but wait! It's actually pretty good cole slaw. It just tastes like lettuce and cabbage mixed with butter milk. Sometimes the butter milk is light, and sometimes it's just swimming in liquid, but it's pretty tasty. I almost never finish the entire portion (because it's still cole slaw, after all. Who actually eats cole slaw?), but I usually have a few bites and enjoy the flavor.

Salt Water Taffy: Sometimes my meal comes with a piece of taffy, sometimes it doesn't. I'm not sure  if I just get lucky sometimes or if I'm just unlucky other times. Anyway, it's pretty good taffy, but they should work on their consistency a little.

Cheese Curbs: A friend of mine got the cheese curds once and I tried a piece. I don't care about cheese curds so I don't feel qualified to comment. They tasted like other cheese curds I've tried, for whatever that's worth.

Everything comes with a pickle slice and the world's smallest piece of lemon. I'm not sure if the lemon is just supposed to be a garnish or if they just think one drop of lemon juice is all anybody needs. Either way, it's weird and kind of pointless. Either have a real lemon wedge or no lemon. Luckily there's plenty of malt vinegar on every table, which is the main reason I get fish and chips anyway. I drown my fish in that stuff. I'd drink malt vinegar straight from the bottle if I could. I don't want to go off on a rant here about Anchor Fish and Chips, but they don't have malt vinegar available, just white vinegar... because that's how they do it in Ireland. So to that I say, thank you Mac's for being unpretentious and accommodating to reasonable, expected requests from customers.

The service is another reason why I keep coming back over and over again. Everybody is just really nice, really friendly, and really eager to please. It's the kind of place where people immediately say hello when you walk in, then yell out thank you when you go to leave. It's just a friendly staff that creates an inviting environment. None of them are named Mac, however.

The decor is sparse, and kind of oddly decorated. One wall has a giant mural of a fish, another wall has pictures of boats in some Alaska-like setting, and another wall has a giant poster of a Where's Waldo drawing. Weird. And they always play old school country music, like Merle Haggard, George Jones, etc. I think the mural is really cool and I love old school county, but the the atmosphere does feel like a bit of a mish-mash of clashing styles. But I don't really care as long as the food is good, and luckily the food at Mac's is great. I say check it out.

Hammer and Sickle

A Russian restaurant just opened in Uptown, sandwiched between Bar Abilene and the Lagoon theater. Maybe it's because we're both a quarter Russian ourselves, but my sister Tanya and I decided to give it a try last night. It was ok. Hammer and Sickle is the kind of place I don't regret having visited, because it wasn't bad at all, but at least it gave me the knowledge to know I never have to go back again.

This is the kind of place where you read the menu and think, "wow, this looks really good, " but then you sit down at a table and open the actual menu and think, "I don't want any of this." Also, it's pretty damn expensive.

We both started with cocktails, because it's a Russian place with a huge list of vodka options, so it seemed like the thing to do. What am I gonna do, come to a place called Hammer and Sickle and order a bottle of domestic beer? Well, for our second round we both ended up ordering bottles of domestic beer. Tanya ordered something called The Moscow Mule, which was Smirnoff vodka, lime juice, and ginger beer. I got something called The Sweet Sickle, which was a gimlet made with cherry vodka. Both were ten dollars, tasted liked juice, and were finished in a maybe three sips. I understand that cocktails tend to be expensive, especially when there is no happy hour going on (it was a weekend evening), but ten dollars for something that was maybe 8 ounces at the most and completely unexceptional in flavor is kind of ridiculous.

Next I ordered a Surly Furious, which was the only reasonably priced selection for their tiny tap list, but they were out. So then I ordered a bottle of Bell's Two Hearted and Tanya got a Sierra Nevada, I think. Both were six bucks. First piece of feedback for this place: Have a tap list with more than two beers under ten dollars.

Russian Egg

For food, we got a few "small plates" to share because the "large plates" were expensive and sounded underwhelming. The stroganoff is probably great, but it didn't sound appealing on the first actually warm day of the year so far. If this place is still open next winter (and, since this is Uptown, I have my doubts of it even being here by the summer), I'll gladly come back and give it a try. First we ordered the "Assorti Meat Plate," partly because it was only 7 dollars, and partly because it just sounded so weird. The menu described it as a plate of cured meats, cheese, pickled vegetables, and a russian egg. What the hell is a russian egg? Turns out, it's a deviled egg... that's purple. It was good, and so was everything else on the plate. We got the small plate (since it comes 7 dollars per person, so it could add up if you don't say it's only for one person), but it was more than big enough to share, and all of the meats and cheeses and veggies and pate were great. If I came back, I'd get this again for sure.

Then we got two "Shashliks," where are described as "Russian style BBQ skewers." We got one beef (6$) and one Lamb ($8), both of which came on skewers with vegetables over a side of rice. They were both good, but not great, although for the price they were a good deal. The odd thing was how neither of us could tell which was the lamb and which was the beef. They looked the same, and even after eating everything the most certainty we could get was to say, "I'm pretty sure this one was the lamb," but who knows. Considering the fact that the lamb was more expensive, I'd say just get the beef, since they were maybe just the same thing for all I know. As I said, they were good, but not great, and especially disappointing if you were expecting lamb that tasted like lamb.

The Assorti Meat Plate

As for the service and the ambiance, all I can say is: meh. It's a nice looking bar, although it was a bit small, but the windows were large and offered a lot of light, and since it was a nice day the windows were open to the street which was cool. The service wasn't so bad I'd really complain about it, but it sure wasn't good, wasn't fast, wasn't friendly, and wasn't attentive. She was the kind of server who immediately seemed to size us up as people who weren't going to spend a lot of money, so why bother with us? This is annoying on principle, of course, but also stupid on her part because every server in the Twin Cities should know by now that when Tanya and I go out to eat and drink, we eat and drink. Give us bad service that is so slow we're just ready to leave before the drinks even come, and, well... your loss.

So, anyway, that's Hammer and Sickle, a perfectly fine place that I can't really recommend because it didn't distinguish itself from every other place in Uptown anymore than the lamb they served us distinguished itself from the beef lying next to it. I'd maybe go back sometime during Happy Hour, if only to get the assorti meat plate again and maybe try a different kind of skewer, but I'm in no rush, and I predict it won't last long.

Taco Bell Breakfast

I tried the new breakfast menu at Taco Bell so you don't have to:

Kyatchi

Kyatchi is quite possibly the best sushi I've ever had.

Of course, I offer the caveat that I live in Minneapolis, MN, so what do I know about sushi? Well, let me tell you... I know a lot about sushi and I'm offended by the accusation I just made about myself, and the midwest in general. I've been eating sushi for most of my adult life. I've eaten at nearly every sushi restaurant in the Twin Cities over the past decade, many of which I would rank among the best places I've visited in New York City and San Francisco. I'm not saying I'm some kind of sushi expert, just that I love sushi and eat it every chance I get, and also that I'm probably some kind of sushi expert.

Before dining here last night, about three weeks after they opened on the corner of 38th and Nicollet, I probably would've named Nami as the best sushi I've had in the Twin Cities, or possibly the downtown Origami location, both of which are still strong contenders for the title, but I dunno. The quality and flavor of the fish at Kyatchi was akin to visiting Shangri-La... and then going to a really good sushi restaurant, or something. Anyway, it was good sushi. I would definitely say that the menus at places like Nami or Origami, or even Tango, Fuji-ya, et all, are larger and more extensive than the one at Kyatchi, but when you taste compare the fish you'll understand why that's some what unimportant.

I don't even think you need to get any rolls at Kyatchi, just sashimi, since the fish is so good. Our waiter said something about where their fish is from, how it's shipped to ensure freshness or something, but I'll admit I didn't really pay attention. It's not him, it's me. I generally don't listen when people talk. I'm an asshole. Maybe my sister, with whom I dined last night, listened and will post what he said in the comments, but I have a sneaking suspicion she wasn't paying attention either. Anyway: The sashimi tasted like candy, and was just perfect. Literally from the first taste I knew this place was special. I don't remember exactly what we got, but there was something white, some kind of tuna, and scallops, which were amazing. We also got some rolls too, which somehow had the best rice I've ever had in a sushi restaurant. It was flavorful without being overpowering, and was warm and soft and not chewy like 99% of the rice you get elsewhere.

We also got a side of "Japanese potato salad," which seemed to be just mashed potatoes. They were fine, but bland. I don't need to get those again. They menu also has hot dogs, which seems odd, but they actually look really good, and I suppose are "japanese-ified" (my word, not theirs), with odd toppings. I'll try one of those next time.

The tap list was surprisingly huge, and possibly the most extensive at any sushi restaurant in the twin cities, with some local selections and imports. It was happy hour when we dined, which I think got us $2 off taps, and a few cheaper starters.

Although, to be perfectly clear, cheaper didn't mean cheap, since this isn't a cheap dining experience, but then again, sushi never is. The drink selections for happy hour are great, but I would like to have seen a few more sushi rolls and discounted prices. The only happy hour food we got was the potato salad (more out of curiosity than because it sounded good), and the sashimi combo, which had (I think) four pieces and cost 9 bucks, which is really expensive in my opinion, but it was so fucking delicious I'll totally get it every time I go and have no regrets. We also finished things off with some donut the waiter recommended, which was fine. Hell, it was good even, but it was also just a donut.

Our server's name was Tim, and he was also worth raving about. If you've ever had dinner with me or my sister, then you know how embarrassing and awkward we are, and Tim just rolled with it, and even made a pretty convincing performance of finding us tolerable. He even laughed at some of our jokes, which makes him something of a hero right there. Anyway, if you go to Kyatchi, make sure you sit in Tim's section. He's the nice guy who looks like Crispin Glover.

Here's the highest compliment I can pay to the food at Kyatchi: I forgot to take pictures of almost all of it because it looked so good I just had to eat it. If you've ever eaten with me (or just follow me on instagram), you know how extraordinary that is. I eat a lot of cold meals because I take so many pictures first. But we were nearly done before I realized I didn't take any pictures. Luckily we got another roll so I could take a picture, but I do wish I had gotten more shots of the sashimi since it was as beautiful as it was delicious. But I guess that just gives me one more reason to go back.

Sarpino's

(Guest review by my buddy Jester:)

I was all set to sit on my couch eat chicken tenders from Dulono's and watch Once Upon Time, but when I called to order my food, the woman on the phone told me they were out of chicken tenders. Disappointed, I went to the internet to try to find another place that would bring pieces of chicken to me. I found Sarpino's. I've never ordered from them before, but I was hungry and I wanted some dang chicken tenders!

I ordered my food a little after 4pm and was told that delivery would take 50-60 minutes. When I still hadn't received my food by 5:30, I called to check on it. The man on the other end said that my food still hadn't left the store, but that I could expect it in about 15 minutes. He also said he would take 25% off for the trouble.

At 6:20 I called again to cancel my order. As soon as I did there was a knock on my door. I got my food for free. Two hours later I sat down with my chicken tenders.

They were cold, but pretty good. The BBQ sauce was a little too sweet, but alright. Things were starting to look ok; I finally got my chicken and I didn't pay... and then it happened. I took a bite of my third chicken tender and I hit bone!

So would I tell you to order from Sarpinos? No. I guess I should've just taken it as a sign that I wasn't supposed to eat chicken tenders tonight when Dulono's told me they had none. Lesson learned.

Donald Ate There

This website used to be called "Blog on a Stick," and it contained restaurant reviews of places in the Twin Cities. It is now called "Donald Ate There," and it contains restaurant reviews of places in the Twin Cities.

Why the change? Honestly, I never really liked the old name and since then I've been taking a lot of pictures of my little Donald figure, I thought I may as well included him in the title and overall concept. Also, I stopped posting for a long time because I got bored and figured a site redesign would reignite my interest. Of course,  partly got bored because I kept going to the same places over and over again, but I have since been to lots of new places, and figured this site needed an update.

So... Donald Ate There, where I'll be posting my opinions on places where Donald Ate... There.

Hope you enjoy, and any feedback and suggestions are welcome and appreciated.

JJ's Coffee + Wine Bistro

Uptown has another coffee shop, which at this point seems about as ridiculous as Uptown getting another Thai restaurant, condo development, douche bar, or a third outdoorsy sportswear store sandwiched in between the Timberland and the Northface. At this point, Uptown Minneapolis must be rivaled only by Seattle and Portland for having the highest number of coffee shops per capita, and since almost all of them are truly exceptional, any newbies are going to have to really struggle to not only distinguish themselves, but to justify their very existence. Well, JJ's Coffe + Wine Bistro opened maybe a couple months ago so I just tried it last Friday, and I've been back every morning since then.

JJ's doesn't just prove itself worthy of trying to sell coffee in the Hipster capital of America, but it pretty much ups the game for all Uptown coffee shops. Anyway, I have a new favorite place to hang out in the mornings.

Maybe it isn't even fair to compare JJ's to other coffee shops since it defines itself as a "coffee + wine bistro," whatever that means. I guess it means they don't just sell coffee, but wine, beer, and food as well. So far, I've only come in the mornings so I haven't had a chance to try out their evening selection, but if it's anything like the morning, I'm sure it's pretty cool. To begin with, this is the most beautiful coffee shop I've ever seen, so much so that I actually felt a little intimidated and uncomfortable the first time I walked in. I mean, it doesn't look like a coffee shop, but like some kind of bar you'd find on the lower east side of Manhattan, and I almost expected to turn a corner and see Woody Allen sipping a martini with Spaulding Grey. That's what happens in New York, right? Who's Spaulding Grey? Anyway, everything is shiny (even the wood) and sparkling and clean, with tables along the all glass window wall that faces Lake Calhoun and various hidden booths that are placed in the walls like little nooks. There's even a widescreen TV up on the wall, and their menus are actually vertically hung widescreen tvs as well. That's some fancy stuff right there. You order at a counter that is a little awkwardly placed in the middle of the bar, so there isn't much space to line up, but luckily there has only been a line once.

And the patio is awesome. The chairs are ridiculously comfortable (why are patio chairs almost always horrific?) and the space itself is long and thin so there is a lot of room for tables but you still don't feel as though people are right on top of you. It is also right across the street from Lake Calhoun, so while the view isn't exactly breathtaking, it's quite lovely. 

The service so far has ranged from ok to great. The best service I received from a young Asian woman who was exceedingly polite and helpful and a taller dark haired gentleman with (I think) a mustache and goatee. My other encounters with the servers here left me thinking they were maybe a little bored or otherwise unengaged, which is fine and better than being rude. I also had my dish taken away once by a very beautiful girl wearing a batman t-shirt, but that was the full extent of our interaction, but like Mr. Bernstein's monologue in Citizen Kane, not a day will go by that I won't think about that girl.

The food is unexceptional, but still very good. The first time I came I got a breakfast burrito that was serviceable but boring, and came with a side of salsa that tasted like Pace. That's fine because I like Pace, but I wouldn't recommend it. On my second visit I got a caramel apple fritter that the server suggested I try warm, and it was very good. It didn't taste like it was freshly made nor did it really distinguish itself as something I couldn't get ay any other coffee shop in town, but again... it was a caramel apple fritter so it was good.

(Interjection: For what it's worth, a woman at a table near me just said to her friend, "I don't know where they get their baked goods, but they should switch." But these women actually dragged three tables and put them together lengthwise in the middle of the patio effectively blocking anybody's passage around their group, so clearly they're idiots.)

On my third visit (this morning), I got a breakfast sandwich and it was pretty great. I ordered the "Southwestern" which is an egg sandwich that comes topped with cheese, red and green peppers, and mushrooms, but I think I actually received the "Fargo," which is basically the same thing only without the mushrooms. I'm not sure if I was charged for the more expensive one or not, but it's only a quarter and I didn't really care either way since it was a very tasty breakfast sandwich. As far as these things go, it was probably the best "egg mcmuffin" style sandwich I've had in a coffee shop that wasn't actually a full-on restaurant. This isn't going to beat what you'd get at Common Roots, but I still recommend it highly.

Oh, and since this place is a coffee shop, I suppose I'd better get around to talking about their coffee. Every time I'd come I've gotten something called 494 Blend (I think that's the name) and it's just about the best cup of coffee I've ever had. They don't use a clover or any other type of single cup brewing system nor do I know anything about their roasting and grinding, but this is still an exceptional cup of coffee, and it's the main reason I've come back every day. And, really, everything else aside, a damn good cup of coffee is all any coffee shop really needs.

I say... check it out.