Hammer and Sickle

A Russian restaurant just opened in Uptown, sandwiched between Bar Abilene and the Lagoon theater. Maybe it's because we're both a quarter Russian ourselves, but my sister Tanya and I decided to give it a try last night. It was ok. Hammer and Sickle is the kind of place I don't regret having visited, because it wasn't bad at all, but at least it gave me the knowledge to know I never have to go back again.

This is the kind of place where you read the menu and think, "wow, this looks really good, " but then you sit down at a table and open the actual menu and think, "I don't want any of this." Also, it's pretty damn expensive.

We both started with cocktails, because it's a Russian place with a huge list of vodka options, so it seemed like the thing to do. What am I gonna do, come to a place called Hammer and Sickle and order a bottle of domestic beer? Well, for our second round we both ended up ordering bottles of domestic beer. Tanya ordered something called The Moscow Mule, which was Smirnoff vodka, lime juice, and ginger beer. I got something called The Sweet Sickle, which was a gimlet made with cherry vodka. Both were ten dollars, tasted liked juice, and were finished in a maybe three sips. I understand that cocktails tend to be expensive, especially when there is no happy hour going on (it was a weekend evening), but ten dollars for something that was maybe 8 ounces at the most and completely unexceptional in flavor is kind of ridiculous.

Next I ordered a Surly Furious, which was the only reasonably priced selection for their tiny tap list, but they were out. So then I ordered a bottle of Bell's Two Hearted and Tanya got a Sierra Nevada, I think. Both were six bucks. First piece of feedback for this place: Have a tap list with more than two beers under ten dollars.

Russian Egg

For food, we got a few "small plates" to share because the "large plates" were expensive and sounded underwhelming. The stroganoff is probably great, but it didn't sound appealing on the first actually warm day of the year so far. If this place is still open next winter (and, since this is Uptown, I have my doubts of it even being here by the summer), I'll gladly come back and give it a try. First we ordered the "Assorti Meat Plate," partly because it was only 7 dollars, and partly because it just sounded so weird. The menu described it as a plate of cured meats, cheese, pickled vegetables, and a russian egg. What the hell is a russian egg? Turns out, it's a deviled egg... that's purple. It was good, and so was everything else on the plate. We got the small plate (since it comes 7 dollars per person, so it could add up if you don't say it's only for one person), but it was more than big enough to share, and all of the meats and cheeses and veggies and pate were great. If I came back, I'd get this again for sure.

Then we got two "Shashliks," where are described as "Russian style BBQ skewers." We got one beef (6$) and one Lamb ($8), both of which came on skewers with vegetables over a side of rice. They were both good, but not great, although for the price they were a good deal. The odd thing was how neither of us could tell which was the lamb and which was the beef. They looked the same, and even after eating everything the most certainty we could get was to say, "I'm pretty sure this one was the lamb," but who knows. Considering the fact that the lamb was more expensive, I'd say just get the beef, since they were maybe just the same thing for all I know. As I said, they were good, but not great, and especially disappointing if you were expecting lamb that tasted like lamb.

The Assorti Meat Plate

As for the service and the ambiance, all I can say is: meh. It's a nice looking bar, although it was a bit small, but the windows were large and offered a lot of light, and since it was a nice day the windows were open to the street which was cool. The service wasn't so bad I'd really complain about it, but it sure wasn't good, wasn't fast, wasn't friendly, and wasn't attentive. She was the kind of server who immediately seemed to size us up as people who weren't going to spend a lot of money, so why bother with us? This is annoying on principle, of course, but also stupid on her part because every server in the Twin Cities should know by now that when Tanya and I go out to eat and drink, we eat and drink. Give us bad service that is so slow we're just ready to leave before the drinks even come, and, well... your loss.

So, anyway, that's Hammer and Sickle, a perfectly fine place that I can't really recommend because it didn't distinguish itself from every other place in Uptown anymore than the lamb they served us distinguished itself from the beef lying next to it. I'd maybe go back sometime during Happy Hour, if only to get the assorti meat plate again and maybe try a different kind of skewer, but I'm in no rush, and I predict it won't last long.

Taco Bell Breakfast

I tried the new breakfast menu at Taco Bell so you don't have to: