Burger Jones

Burger Jones opened its doors only two or three months ago, and they're already selling t-shirts at the front register. I'm guessing they were probably selling t-shirts on opening night. Of course, there's nothing wrong with a restaurant that sells memorabilia, but when you start selling memorabilia before memories can even begin to form, it makes it clear you aren't just selling food, you're selling a brand. Again, there's nothing inherently wrong with that, but the food better damn well live up to the hype you're trying to create, and -- at least judging from my first visit tonight -- it definitely does not.

Burger Jones is located in the Calhoun Village Shopping Center, at the end of the mall where Applebee's used to be. All things considered, it's a step up from Applebee's, but honestly not by much. At least Applebee's was cheap. At Burger Jones, most of their burgers run about ten bucks, and that's all you get. If you want fries, you have to shell out 3 bucks for an order, and another dollar for each "dipping sauce." A pet peeve of mine is burger joints that only serve chips, forcing you to pay for an upgrade to french fries. Burger Jones doesn't even give you chips, which makes it all the more insulting when you see how huge the platter is, containing only a burger that could politely be described as "modestly sized." They could've even have thrown in a pickle or even some kind of garnish?

I ate with my girlfriend Shannon and my sister Tanya and we split the "Tower," a big basket of regular fries, waffle fries, and sweet potato fries with your choice of 3 dipping sauces. It was definitely enough for 3 people to share, and at 10 bucks it wasn't that expensive, considering that the fries were hand cut, freshly cooked, and quite delicious. But, still, I'm devout in my belief that fries should come with a burger at no additional cost, especially considering how high the cost already is.

As for the burgers, they were ok but just ok. I might even go so far as to describe them as being "pretty good," but that's about all the praise I can muster. I ordered the Black and Blew Burger, which came topped with black pepper, onions, and blue cheese. Shannon ordered the Green Chili Burger, which came "smothered" in what seemed like a very limited amount of green chili. Tanya got something called a "Hangover Burger," which had a fried egg over the beef patty, and an even more limited amount of hot sauce. All of the burger sound interesting and almost exciting, but they were all missing... something. Upon reflection, I realized that that something was flavor. They simply didn't have much flavor, which was odd considering the abundant variety of toppings on each burger.

My burger was the best, but only because I love blue cheese and that was pretty much all I could taste. The hangover tasted like a fried egg, which the green chili was almost non existent in my bite so all I could taste was a burger that tasted fresh and high quality but ultimately lacking in any real taste. Also, we all ordered our burgers "with a little pink" (in favor of the only other choice offered "no pink"), but they all came decidedly unpink, probably just a few degrees below well done. Not cooking a burger to order is always unacceptable, but at least it's somewhat understandable when a diner offers a vague description like, "medium well." But when the only choices you offer are "some pink" or "no pink," you damn well better get the color right. And they didn't, and not just on one burger, but on all of them. That means it wasn't a fluke but a general lack of competence or consistency on the part of the cooking staff. It couldn't have been a miscommunication, because all of our burgers came labeled "some pink." I hate to harp on this point, but not being able to cook a burger to order is kind of a deal-breaker for any burger enthusiast.

The service was pretty fantastic, however. Our server Eric was friendly, enthusiastic, and attentive. If there was any problem with the service, it was that it was too fast. Our meals came about ten minutes or so after we places our order. I sure don't like having to wait a long time for my meal to arrive, but I also don't want to feel rushed. Getting seated and out the door within 40 minutes made me feel as though our enjoyment of the meal was a lot less important than being able to fill that booth a few dozen more times before closing the door. This complaint is in stark contrast to the horror stories I had heard about excessively long wait times to get a table. We were given a table immediately, and then almost forced our the door at record speed.

Burger Jones is one of those places that just... is. It's there, people eat there, but I can't see it acquiring the same popularity held by the other restaurants owned by the same management company. Salut, Figlio, and the Good Earth (et all) are fantastic restaurants with wonderful food that offer a value for your dollar. Burger Jones feels overpriced and underwhelming. When it was first announced, the owners said it would be the ultimate burger joint, with a long menu of burgers ranging from gourmet to diner-style, but it really has a surprisingly small menu of less than exceptional selections.

Sure, they only opened recently and I probably shouldn't judge them too harshly considering that, but... come on. T-shirts? Call me petty for harping on a point, but I can't help but feel that the time and money spent on manufacturing souvenirs would've been better spent on chefs who don't overcook a bland, tasteless burger patty. Next time I actually have a "jonesing" for a good burger, I'd sooner go to Herkimer, Bulldog, Matt's, the Nook, or a dozen or so other places across the Twin Cities that offer exceptional burgers and actually offer a good value for your money.

2.5 out of 5