Uptown Bathroom Survival Guide

Uptown Minneapolis has a lot of bars and coffee shops and restaurants, so that means a lot of people in Uptown have to pee. Sometimes finding a nice -- or, even usable -- bathroom can be an adventure, especially on a weekend when the streets are full of drunk people all on the same mission as you. So that's why I've put together this Uptown bathroom survival guide. I've lived in Uptown for years, and I'm always on the look out for a nice place to do my business.

Anyway, let's get to it. Click on each location's name to be taken to a Google map.

Jackson's Coffee & Gelato
This is my pick for the best bathroom in Uptown. It's always clean, fresh, and well stocked. Even better, there's a back door connected to the bathroom hallway so you can go in and out without being seen or feeling the need to buy anything. Just enter in the side on Bryant. There are two bathrooms, one female and one male, both are singles. Of course, once you're in there you may as well hang out and get a bottle of Bubble Up or some gelato.

Calhoun Square
Lovely facilities. Calhoun Square is a large, mostly abandoned shopping plaza that somehow still has money, so they have great, lush, clean bathrooms that are always stocked and usually empty. They are upstairs, across the hall from Sushi Tango, and just before the exit to the parking ramp. Pretty sure the men's room has two urinals and two stalls, so you'll be treated like a king.

Lunds
Want to talk about money? Lunds is money. Prepare yourself for the cleanest, nicest bathrooms in Uptown. Located on the loft above the produce section, there are two single, unisex bathrooms way in the back, past the magazines and greeting cards. There's even a bench outside in case you need to wait. I live right down the street and actually had to use these bathrooms all the time a few months ago when the toilet in my apartment was broken. I've even been known to sneak down the street to use them when I've had company over. I didn't mind, cause this bathroom is money.


Rainbow
Rainbow ain't money. Rainbow is cheap and gross. I shop there and I've peed there, but I ain't proud of either. This isn't a very good bathroom, but it's there and Rainbow is open 24 hours, so go for it. I've gone for it. 

Booksmart
Located in the basement of Cheapo, Booksmart is a sprawling book store with a pretty nice bathroom way on the back left. There's even a sign pointing toward it because they must know how often people come down there just to pee. Booksmart is a really cool bookstore, but it's huge and usually empty so the bathroom is pretty secluded so it's perfect if you need some privacy. Don't bring in any books that you haven't purchased though, because that's just rude.

McDonald's
As fast food places go, this is ok. This wouldn't be my first choice, but it's on the corner of Hennepin and Lagoon, so it's centrally located and easy to get to. The bathroom is to the right when you first come in, so you don't have to pass the counter or talk to any employees. It's not going to be clean, of course, but it's also not going to be the worst. Then again, I don't think I've ever used this bathroom on a Friday or Saturday, and since I live right down the block, I don't think I ever will.

Lyndale Tap House
I'm not including many restaurants on this list, not only because that's a given that they'll have one, but because they're not usually easy to get to without being seen. But this one is. Go inside and make a right, then go downstairs to the basement and you're golden. You're taking a golden shower, that is. Anyway, lovely, clean, large bathrooms.

Caffrey's
Caffrey's has a bathroom, but you have to walk past the counter and all the way though the deli to get there.  But who cares? Certainly not the hipsters and stoners who work here. They're all nice people, but they're not the type to give a crap if you come in at night just to pee. Go for it, and get a sub while you're there. They're pretty good.

Mesa Pizza
Great pizza, decent bathroom. The bathroom is way down the hall toward the back, and there's even a backdoor you can sneak through without being seen. But stop and get a slice, since the pizza is good and the people there are cool.

Common Roots Cafe
Two bathrooms located to the side of the bar, but there's a side door you can enter through to access them without being seen. Nice bathrooms. 

Arby's
Don't use this bathroom. I mean, if you gotta go, you gotta go and lord knows we all gotta go sometimes. But there are other, better options around, and I'm only including this one because it exists. Have you ever eaten at Arby's? Of course not. No just imagine going to the bathroom there.

I'll update this as I think of more, and please feel free to send in suggestions.