Il Gatto

This is not a review.

I didn't eat at Il Gatto because I couldn't find a table. This is going to be a review of my first impressions of the impressive looking establishment that replaced Figlio, one of my favorite places for Happy Hour in Uptown.

Figlio was great because their drink specials and discounted appetizers were cheap and fantastic. Their bar was big and roomy, with lots of tables to accommodate big parties and little nooks and crannies for couples who wanted something a little more intimate.

Il Gatto was the same drink and appetizer specials, but the bar is an entirely different story. Now it's simply one narrow, awkwardly crowded corridor with the bar on the right side and a line of far too few tables on the left. It can hold maybe a fifth of the amount of people that Figlio's bar could, and since it is now removed from any windows, it feels that much more claustrophobic and uncomfortable.

As I said, I couldn't find a table, but even more than that, lacking a table left me no choice but to leave. There is simply nowhere to stand. I can't imagine anybody would want to come here with more than, say, one other person. It's terrible. It's ridiculous. It's even a little heartbreaking. Maybe I'll try it again just so I can see if the food and drinks are good, but if my next visit goes like my one last night, I'll just end up at the Independent again.

Little Tijuana

"NO SUBSTITUTIONS!!"

That's all you really need to know about Little Tijuana, which isn't quite the worst Mexican restaurant in Minneapolis, just the most overhyped and obnoxious. "No substitutions" seems to be their motto, since it was written on the table, hanging from the wall, and written all over their menus. It was almost as though they were somehow taking pride in the fact that they refuse to compromise on giving paying customers exactly what they want.

Now, don't get me wrong... I've worked for years at Starbucks for years so I know just how annoying and overly complicated customer orders can get if you give them too much free range. But... no substitutions? At a Mexican restaurant? That means if you love tacos but don't want lettuce, too bad. If you want a burrito with no onions, find another restaurant. If you want the hot sauce on the side, go to hell!

But even worse than that is how every combo selection only comes with one choice of meet for every dish. That is to say, they have combo plates that come with (for example) a taco, an enchilada, and a tostada... which you can only order as all chicken, beef, pork, etc. But I want a chicken taco and a pork enchilada. Sorry, no substitutions!! I'm sorry, but that's not a substitution, that's a standard order of business at any Mexican restaurant. Nobody every wants the same kind of meat for every dish in a combo platter. That's unheard of. That's ridiculous. That's... just... dumb, terrible, offensive customer service.

And, no, it isn't because of any issues with prices. All of the meat choices were the same price. Little Tijuana is just run by assholes. If you can think of any other explanation, I'd love to hear it.

Or, at least, maybe just our waiter was an asshole who took the whole "no substitutions" thing too far and applied it to the combos even though that isn't an actual rule. But I doubt it, since he seemed pretty adamant and annoyed at the mere fact that we'd even ask. And in every other way, the service was pretty terrible too.

So how was the food? It wasn't bad. It was even good, though it wasn't good enough that it was worth the hassle of dealing with the terrible service or the restaurant's lack of consideration for their diners' opinions or needs. Oh, and they don't have a liquor license, so there's no booze. That's another deal breaker right there.

Bottom line, there's no reason to go to this place when Pancho Villa's is right around the corner. In fact, there'd be no reason to go to this place even if it was the only Mexican restaurant in town. I recommend that this restaurant substitutes their ridiculous policy and terrible service for some that won't piss off their potential customers, or I'll continue to substitute this restaurant for any other one.

The Herkimer

The Herkimer is probably my favorite restaurant in the Twin Cities.

I've actually been a fan of Herkimer since before I even moved to Minnesota. It was down the street from where my sister Tanya lived, so we'd go there whenever I'd fly in to visit. Herkimer was also the place where my girlfriend Shannon and I spent many of our first dates together. So I have fond memories and a warm spot in my heart for the place. But I'm not a sentimental man, and good memories and nostalgic feelings will only get a restaurant so far. No... I go to Herkimer because the beer is great and the food is fantastic.

I'm a simple man. I like burgers, fries, and beer, all of which Herkimer does as well -- if not better -- than any other place in town. And since we're talking about the Midwest -- which has to be one of the major meat and potato capitals of the world, that places it pretty high up among the best I've ever had anywhere. Their burgers are big, juicy, and varied, including a Cajun burger, mushroom and swiss, and a bunch more. I usually get the "Deluxe Mac," which is basically just a Big Mac but with an actually good patty of meat covered with their own version of special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, etc. It's incredible. I also usually order my burger rare, because for whatever reason that's the only way to get them served medium rare. So if you are as particular as I am, keep that little nitpick in mind.

And if burgers aren't your thing, the menu is a lot more extensive than you'd expect to find at most bars. The fish and chips are also fantastic, as are the "tres tacos," which come with a chicken, beef, and pork tacos. I also recommend the pulled pork sandwich. Their pork isn't quite as flavorful as you'd get in a straight up BBQ joint, but for Minnesotan pulled pork, it ain't bad. I don't know what to recommend if you're a vegetarian. I'm sure they have options, I just have never taken the time to care about any of them. I'm always too busy deciding what kind of burger I want to shove in my face.

Their sweet potato fries have garnered numerous awards and achieved much acclaim here in the Twin Cities... and rightly so, though I prefer normal french fries. The sweet potato fries are fantastic to be sure -- and they come with some kind of special, tangy ketchup that is awesome -- but they are a little too sweet to perfectly compliment a burger, in my humble opinion. Luckily for me, their fries are also fantastic. They are thin cut, no frills, french fries with plenty of flavor and just the right amount of crunch. And they are also cheaper, since they come with most of the entrees while the sweet variety are a couple bucks extra.

And be sure to wash down your meal with one of the fantastic German style lagers brewed on site. The Herkimer isn't just a bar, but a brewpub, where all of their beers are brewed just a few yards from where their food is cooked. One wall is actually a giant window looking in on some giant vats that... do something to brew or store beer, I suppose. I honestly know nothing about the production of beer, other than that the vats at Herkimer look impression and the flavors of their beers are wonderful. They have a rotating selection on tap, but they always have a wide enough selection that you'll be able to find something that suits your tastes. And come between 3 and 6 or 10 and close for 2 for 1s and discounted appetizers.

So... the Herkimer. I apologize if this is one of my more boring reviews, but there isn't much to say about this place beyond "this is good, this is also good, and this is good too..." It's my favorite restaurant and I've yet to meet any other person in Minneapolis who hasn't shared my passion for their great food and excellent beers. The highest praise I can say about this place is that just thinking about their name alone is enough to make me hungry.

Blackbird Cafe

Before I formally start my review of Blackbird Cafe, I have a quick piece of advice for any restaurateurs who may have stumbled upon this website: Always offer reservations in your restaurants.

It's just a courtesy to the customer and it will increase your business because people will feel comfortable going to your restaurant because they'll know they'll actually be seated sometime within the hour. And if you absolutely refuse to take reservations (I'm sure you have your reasons beyond simple contempt for your potential customer base, though I'll never begin to understand what those reasons may be), at least have a waiting area that is comfortable and spacious, and not just a two-foot by two-foot area right in front of the door.

But if you are willing to take the risk on going to Blackbird not knowing if you'll be immediately seated or forced to wait near the door in an area more cramped than a phonebooth while you awkwardly stare at the other diners, silently yelling at them in your head to finish their damn meals already and free up that table, you'll discover a restaurant that is absolutely wonderful in every other way. It's worth taking the risk.

Blackbird is exactly the kind of restaurant most people envision when they think about local, independently-owned restaurants: It's cute, cozy, has a friendly, enthusiastic waitstaff, and an ever-changing menu of interesting, delicious entrees. I've been there a few times and have gotten the same thing every time: The Longhorn, an incredible beef brisket sandwich smothered with caramelized onions, tomatoes, and some kind of horseradish sauce. It's awesome. I've also noshed on the other entrees my girlfriend Shannon ordered, all of which were fantastic as well. The Walleye Po' Boy is another standout, though it's really more of a fish sandwich than a classic "Po' Boy" in the traditional sense, but it's still quite good.

The sandwiches are all reasonably priced, with most of them staying under ten bucks. There are also a lot of entrees that sound fantastic -- including nightly specials -- but they are a lot more pricey, though probably worth it if you're willing to splurge. It's not that I've never been willing to splurge, but that I feel no need to when the Longhorn is so fantastic and so cheap. Also, the sandwiches all come with freshly cut french fries that are some of the best I've had in the Cities.

So, I like Blackbird. In fact, I like Blackbird a lot. It's a fantastic, fun restaurant with great, friendly service and fantastic food. But come on... take reservations already. You can call ahead to put your name on a waiting list, but there's still no guarantee you won't have to wait in that tiny area like a schmuck.

5 out of 5

Common Roots Cafe

This is a first in Blog on a Stick's (admittedly short) history: I'm actually writing a restaurant review while sitting in that restaurant. Now, I'm not reviewing Common Roots while at Common Roots because I had such an amazing first impression that I had to whip out my laptop and write about it. I'm writing about Common Roots because, to be honest, I'm always at Common Roots, and I've written many reviews during their exceptional happy hour. Long story short, I'm a Common Roots fan. Though it wasn't always that way.

CR is located on the corner of 26th and Lyndale, in a rather nondescript, almost boring looking brick building that used to house the mediocre restaurant Soba Cafe. I was neither sad nor surprised when Soba closed its doors, because the few times I went there I was incredibly underwhelmed, though I wasn't any more enthusiastic about CR when it opened up as its replacement. They had definitely cleaned up the building and thrown in a few more windows to brighten it up, but the location was still a little too sterile. And the food just didn't interest me. In fact, I only continued to go there because it is quite literally right across the street from my girlfriend's apartment.

When it first opened, you wouldn't be too far off to describe it as Spyhouse with more food. I don't mean that it looked like Spyhouse or event that it offered similar fair, but that Spyhouse exemplifies for me the typical so-trendy-it-hurts Uptown coffee shop. Luckily, evolved past that and actually began to understand that a truely trendy restaurant isn't one that offers organic food served by root people, but one that serves truly fantastic food served by a competent, friendly staff.

Somewhere over the two or so years since they opened their doors, CR just... clicked. They at first prided themselves on having fresh, organic food supplied exclusively from local farms, which is fantastic and noble, but is hardly enough in and of itself. At first, the flavor of the food simply wasn't up to the standard set by their ethics, but I'm happy to say that things have changed and CR can now be confident that their food is every bit as flavorful as it is... ethical, whatever that means.

I suppose I should digress here for a minute and admit that I don't care about supporting local businesses, have no idea what "sustainable" means in regards to farming, and have never been able to tell the difference between organic and nonorganic food, other than that organic is way more expensive so I don't buy it. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to support a local business that deserves it, but I'm not going to do so out of any kind of ethical reasons. I'd love to buy all of my DVDs at Cheapo, but since they charge about twice what Target does, the evil corporation is going to get my money, and I don't feel guilty about that. If that is your thing, Common Roots is the place for you. But if that isn't your thing, Common Roots is still the place for you because their food is so damn good.

Is their burger one of the best I've ever had (no exaggeration) because the cow was grass fed and organically raised, or just because their chef knows how to cook a great burger? I'm sure it was a little of both, but let's not count out the second explanation out of hand. The food at CR is just exquisitely prepared, and their monthly-rotating recipes are all unique and exciting and delicious. But even though the menu regularly changes, they were smart enough to keep the burger as a permanent staple. Though, if I have any complaint about the menu at all, it's that when something really strikes your fancy (and almost everything does), it's really sad when it disappears from the menu at the end of the month.

And best of all is the happy hour, which doesn't just offer Surly taps (and a few other select beers) for $3 and house wines for $4, but all of the appetizers are just $5. And, to be honest, the appetizers are often far more exciting and fulfilling than some of the entrees. The entrees are all great, but are often just variations on similar themes (they'll have pasta, some kind of salad, a fish, etc), but the appetizers are often wholly unique and innovative. But even when they just do something as simple as pizza, they give it their own spin and deliver pizza that is as good as any you've ever had.

Oh, and their freshly made desserts are amazing.

The service at CR is another thing that slowly evolved along with the flavor of the food. Maybe it's because I spent so long as an Assistant Manager at Starbucks, but friendly ("legendary") service is important to me. Something as simple as an "I'll be right with you" -- or even a smile! -- can go a long way toward making a customer feel welcome. Say what you want about the difference between local coffee shops and corporately owned ones, if I want enthusiastic, friendly service I'll go to Starbucks. If I want to talk to a brick wall that only shows emotion when they are actively being rude to be, I'll go to Spyhouse. I don't want to say that the service at CR was rude, but that it was decidedly indifferent. As the restaurant found its niche, they dropped some duds from the staff and brought in a bunch of people who are really quite charming and able at customer service. I still sometimes feel as though I have to initiate conversations with them -- and after a good year of coming here at least once a week, I'm only just being recognized as any kind of a "regular" -- that's still probably my Starbucks training creeping in. They are quite nice and good at their jobs.

And they are all cute as a button too -- male and female -- if you're into that sort of thing. I'm not saying you should go there because the girls are pretty or because at least one of the guys looks like the actor Carey Elwes, but it's certainly better than going to a place where everybody is ugly.

Do I have any complaints abour CR? Well, yeah, a couple. To begin with, the $3 taps you get during happy hour are actually $3.30. I'm not sure if they have tax on beer because it's technically a coffee shop/restaurant and not a bar, but it's a little disappointing. It's not a deal-breaker by any means (since I literally come here an average of three or four times a week), but I'd be remiss in my duties if I didn't mention it. If you actually want a $3 beer that is $3, you'll have to go to Figlio or The Independent. If they really want to compete with other (technically cheaper) Happy Hours in Uptown, they should think about factoring the tax into the overall price. They also might want to extend their happy hour to 7pm instead of 6pm to compete with the Bulldog's, which is right across the street. I much prefer Common Roots, but if I want a beer and it's 6:01 at night, I admit that I go across the street.

Also, the service can be a little wacky at times. Again, this might be because of my Starbucks training, but I think they need better deployment at the register and bar. Occasionally the employees seem lost, not because they are rude or indifferent to the customers, but because they maybe don't know exactly where they should be or what they should be doing at any given time. You'll often be rung up by a person who will then slide to the espresso bar (for example) to make your drink, while the person who just made a drink will wonder around before going over to the register to ring up the next person in line. Often, there will even only be one person doing everything even as the line forms, while a few other people will be stocking or wiping down tables. An obvious way to fix this would be to deploy people to set positions. That is to say, one person should stay on register while another person is assigned to just making drinks. Not only would this speed up service, but I imagine it would minimize cash-handling mistakes because only one person would be assigned to use the register at any given period of time during the shift.

And, again, this is my Starbucks training talking, which is a corporation that, frankly, has customer service and employee deployment down to a science. For me to expect that every other coffee shop in America should master that same science is silly. But still, their system of service could be a little more refined, if not the actual service itself, which is -- as I said -- likable and warm and charming. There are certainly employees here that I like more than others, but none that I dread having serve me should I see them behind the counter when I come in.

The decor that once seemed sterile has also evolved into something that seems more spartan and clean. The patio is one of the best in uptown, since it's on the side of the building and not right on the street, though you do have a good view of Lyndale for people watching (and dog watching, since the patio overlooks the animal hospital, where a pair of dogs often wander out onto the balcony). The restaurant is large and has amble seating, though I think of the back section as the ghetto because it's somewhat dark and dank. Well, I suppose it's not really fair to call it dark and dank, but it's certainly darker and less comfortable than the section of tables near be wall of windows that lines the front of the building. If I can't find a table at the front, I'll sit on the patio. If I can't sit on the patio, I sulk in the back.

Long story short (too late for that), Common Roots is an exceptional restaurant, coffee shop, and purveyor of fine alcoholic beverages. Come here almost any day of the week for a great local brew, an amazing burger, a delicious cookie, or just to say hello to me. I'm the guy in the corner writing a restaurant review or reading a comic book.

5 out of 5

Minnesota State Fair

The giant turkey leg is the perfect analogy for my annual State Fair experience. I always buy a turkey leg because I think I'm going to love it, and that first bite is so delicious. But after three or four bites, I realize it's just a giant, fatty piece of gristle. I've got crap on my face, grease running down my arm, and the realization that I still have to walk around with a giant wad of meat on a bone that would embarrass Fred Flintstone. Basically, what I'm saying is that the State Fair kind of sucks.

Of course, nobody is going to agree with me, because for whatever reason the two weeks or so during the fair are sacred. Maybe it's because I'm not from MN and thus wasn't born into the tradition that I'm able to look into it with an objective eye as the overblow, overrated flea market that it is. But, then again, maybe not. After all, when I was a kid we New Englanders had something called "The Big E" that was basically just the MN State Fair but for all of New England, and I remember growing tired of it as soon as I was able to walk. But take my opinion with a grain of salt because I've never liked rides, I've never liked crowds, and I hate being overcharged for mediocre food.

But if you love rides, crowds, and paying way too much for mediocre food, the State Fair must be a god send. To be sure, some of the food is good. I love funnel cake and the stuff at the fair is always delicious. But other than that... meh. People rave about the food and talk about how much they eat, but I don't get it. This year, I didn't get the turkey leg because, while waiting in line, I realize it was $7.50 (!!) I could spend on something I might actually enjoy. So I actually ended up spending 50 cents more than that on a buffalo steak kabob that, while good, was still nowhere near as moist or flavorful as something I could cook at home. And then there are things like Sweet Martha's cookies that are very good, but still not as good as the cookies my girlfriend makes. And if she's not around, I could go across the street to Common Roots or down the block to Bob's Java Hut and get cookies the other 50 weeks out of the year that put Sweet Martha's to shame. Granted, I won't get a bucket of cookies, but I also won't have to pay 15 bucks either.

And while I hate to harp on the money, it never ceases to amaze me how overpriced everything is. Six dollars for a cup of Premium? A six pack at a liquor store costs about five dollars. Seven fifty for a turkey leg? Four bucks for a corn dog? And add on to all of that the exorbitant cost to get in, which is insulting because you're basically paying admission for the opportunity to pay more money.

But, at the end of the day, it is a fun way to spend an afternoon, but only if you're with cool people with good attitudes. But, then again, cool people with good attitudes are fun to spend time with anywhere.

Still... I kind of regret not getting that turkey leg. So what does that say about me?

Burger Jones

Burger Jones opened its doors only two or three months ago, and they're already selling t-shirts at the front register. I'm guessing they were probably selling t-shirts on opening night. Of course, there's nothing wrong with a restaurant that sells memorabilia, but when you start selling memorabilia before memories can even begin to form, it makes it clear you aren't just selling food, you're selling a brand. Again, there's nothing inherently wrong with that, but the food better damn well live up to the hype you're trying to create, and -- at least judging from my first visit tonight -- it definitely does not.

Burger Jones is located in the Calhoun Village Shopping Center, at the end of the mall where Applebee's used to be. All things considered, it's a step up from Applebee's, but honestly not by much. At least Applebee's was cheap. At Burger Jones, most of their burgers run about ten bucks, and that's all you get. If you want fries, you have to shell out 3 bucks for an order, and another dollar for each "dipping sauce." A pet peeve of mine is burger joints that only serve chips, forcing you to pay for an upgrade to french fries. Burger Jones doesn't even give you chips, which makes it all the more insulting when you see how huge the platter is, containing only a burger that could politely be described as "modestly sized." They could've even have thrown in a pickle or even some kind of garnish?

I ate with my girlfriend Shannon and my sister Tanya and we split the "Tower," a big basket of regular fries, waffle fries, and sweet potato fries with your choice of 3 dipping sauces. It was definitely enough for 3 people to share, and at 10 bucks it wasn't that expensive, considering that the fries were hand cut, freshly cooked, and quite delicious. But, still, I'm devout in my belief that fries should come with a burger at no additional cost, especially considering how high the cost already is.

As for the burgers, they were ok but just ok. I might even go so far as to describe them as being "pretty good," but that's about all the praise I can muster. I ordered the Black and Blew Burger, which came topped with black pepper, onions, and blue cheese. Shannon ordered the Green Chili Burger, which came "smothered" in what seemed like a very limited amount of green chili. Tanya got something called a "Hangover Burger," which had a fried egg over the beef patty, and an even more limited amount of hot sauce. All of the burger sound interesting and almost exciting, but they were all missing... something. Upon reflection, I realized that that something was flavor. They simply didn't have much flavor, which was odd considering the abundant variety of toppings on each burger.

My burger was the best, but only because I love blue cheese and that was pretty much all I could taste. The hangover tasted like a fried egg, which the green chili was almost non existent in my bite so all I could taste was a burger that tasted fresh and high quality but ultimately lacking in any real taste. Also, we all ordered our burgers "with a little pink" (in favor of the only other choice offered "no pink"), but they all came decidedly unpink, probably just a few degrees below well done. Not cooking a burger to order is always unacceptable, but at least it's somewhat understandable when a diner offers a vague description like, "medium well." But when the only choices you offer are "some pink" or "no pink," you damn well better get the color right. And they didn't, and not just on one burger, but on all of them. That means it wasn't a fluke but a general lack of competence or consistency on the part of the cooking staff. It couldn't have been a miscommunication, because all of our burgers came labeled "some pink." I hate to harp on this point, but not being able to cook a burger to order is kind of a deal-breaker for any burger enthusiast.

The service was pretty fantastic, however. Our server Eric was friendly, enthusiastic, and attentive. If there was any problem with the service, it was that it was too fast. Our meals came about ten minutes or so after we places our order. I sure don't like having to wait a long time for my meal to arrive, but I also don't want to feel rushed. Getting seated and out the door within 40 minutes made me feel as though our enjoyment of the meal was a lot less important than being able to fill that booth a few dozen more times before closing the door. This complaint is in stark contrast to the horror stories I had heard about excessively long wait times to get a table. We were given a table immediately, and then almost forced our the door at record speed.

Burger Jones is one of those places that just... is. It's there, people eat there, but I can't see it acquiring the same popularity held by the other restaurants owned by the same management company. Salut, Figlio, and the Good Earth (et all) are fantastic restaurants with wonderful food that offer a value for your dollar. Burger Jones feels overpriced and underwhelming. When it was first announced, the owners said it would be the ultimate burger joint, with a long menu of burgers ranging from gourmet to diner-style, but it really has a surprisingly small menu of less than exceptional selections.

Sure, they only opened recently and I probably shouldn't judge them too harshly considering that, but... come on. T-shirts? Call me petty for harping on a point, but I can't help but feel that the time and money spent on manufacturing souvenirs would've been better spent on chefs who don't overcook a bland, tasteless burger patty. Next time I actually have a "jonesing" for a good burger, I'd sooner go to Herkimer, Bulldog, Matt's, the Nook, or a dozen or so other places across the Twin Cities that offer exceptional burgers and actually offer a good value for your money.

2.5 out of 5

The CC Club

Shannon and I went to The CC Club for dinner the other night after much deliberation and discussion. We had been there before for drinks with some friends a while ago and had a dismal experience. Horrible service, a dank, dirty atmosphere, and too many loud, obnoxious drunks. But maybe dinner time would be better? And... it was. But I still don't know if I ever need to go there again.

We walked in a few minutes past 7:00pm and were stopped by a guy sitting at the first booth eating a platter of tacos. He demanded to see our IDs, so he was either a bouncer or just a guy who loves eating tacos and looking at strangers' drivers licenses. Either way, it was a little weird to show an ID just to get into a pub at dinner time. So if you're 20 years old and just want a burger, move along, son. No luck eating here. And then, after were sat down at a booth near the center of the room, a waitress took our drink order and then asked if we were going to be paying by cash or credit. When I said it was going to be credit, she said she would need my card upfront in order to open a tab. Again, this was dinner time. Being forced to open a tab or pay immediately is a policy that makes sense later at night when there are drunk people demanding drinks, but it hardly seems necessary when you're sitting at a table and ordering dinner. But, whatever, that's their policy and it's their right to enforce it.

The drink specials were a few different mediocre taps for 3 bucks a piece, which is pretty much the norm for an Uptown Happy Hour, though their happy hour runs until 11pm most nights which is pretty cool.

I got the chicken tender basket, which came with a generous six pieces of chicken, fries, cole slaw, toast (?), and a choice of either barbecue sauce, honey mustard, or both. Honestly, who's not going to choose both when given that kind of option? The menu boasted that the tenders are the "best in town," and while I probably wouldn't go so far as to say that's accurate, I certainly can't think of any that are better. They were darn good chicken tenders. The fries were good as well, but nothing memorable or all that special. They were just fries. The toast was toast, and I surprised myself by eating both pieces and kind of wanted more. I can't comment on the cole slaw because I don't eat that crap.

Shannon got a patty melt, which was also pretty good as far as these things go. It was a good, greasy burger smushed between two pieces of bread, and smothered with onions and cheese. CC Club is one of those places where the burgers only come with potato chips for some reason, so if you want fries you'll have to pay extra. But at least the chips were quite good. I'm not sure if they were from a bag or home made, but if they were home made I wouldn't be surprised.

Service was perfunctory without being all that good or all that bad. She was there when we needed her and was probably nice enough, but not so nice that I really remember. Shannon did spill half a glass of beer, however, and the waitress was nice enough to bring her a new one free of charge. At least... we think it was free. We never actually got an itemized so that kind of remains a mystery, but I'm pretty sure it was free. Anyway, that tipped the service over the line past perfunctory to actually being good. So there you go.

All things considered, the CC Club has good bar food, but I don't think it compares with the Bulldog which is right across the street, nor does it hold a candle to The Herkimer or the Uptown Bar, all of which have exceptional bar food and much better ambiance. But CC Club is definitely the cheapest of the four, and it is certainly good enough for at least one visit, but I don't feel the need to go back. It's the kind of place I probably wouldn't visit of my own volition, but if a friend wanted to, I'd definitely be up for some chicken tenders and toast. But I'm still not gonna eat the cole slaw.

3 out of 5

Uptown Art Fair

My personal opinion of the annual Uptown Art Fair is kind of biased by the fact that I live in Uptown, right along the mall that's pictured in that photograph. The fair is literally spread out all around my apartment building, so for me it isn't fun, it isn't charming, and it isn't anything special. It's a nuisance. It's just three days where I can't find anywhere to park, can't sit in my apartment without hearing crowds of people walking by or live music blaring away in the distance, or do something as simple as walk to the grocery store to buy some milk without navigating through crowds a thousand people deep.

But if you don't live right in the middle of the fair, I guess I could see how it might be kind of neat.

And just for the record, free parking is provided for uptown residents whose roads are closed for the fair, but it's such a pain in the ass it's not even worth the trouble. A week or so before the fair, some office in the basement of some building in Uptown is open for, I think, three odd hours for only two days where you can pick up a parking pass on a first come, first serve basis. I didn't bother with it this year because the past two times I did it the parking lot provided was so far away and so awkward to get to that it was actually less convenient that just parking a mile or so away away from the fair. Last year the "parking lot" was in an abandoned lot with no signs or markings designating it as any kind of parking lot, on the end of a dead-end street that didn't even have a street sign posted. And I'm not making this up.

But enough about me and my troubles: How is the fair?

The fair is... ok, if you're into that sort of thing. To be honest, even if I didn't live here, I wouldn't really be into that sort of thing. It's fun to walk around and check out the booths, if it's not too excruciatingly humid (which would be a rare thing indeed for Minneapolis in the middle of August), since much of the art is quite spectacular. If you love local art -- or any art, for that matter -- there is a lot of really cool, really well done stuff to be seen and purchased. I've certainly never been at a loss for things to admire and wish I could purchase, but I never do because it's all so damned expensive. I understand that artists have to make a living, and that their supplies are very costly, but a few thousand dollars for a painting is a luxory I've never been able -- or willing -- to afford. So only come if you are very, very rich, or just looking at the fair as an extended, outdoor museum as I do.

And then there's the food, which is just as overpriced but also mediocre. If you love the similarly overpriced, medicure food from the State Fair, I guess you'd like the food here too, although even you would have to admit the varriety is limited. Personally, I don't want to pay 6 bucks for warm, flat beer or similarly exhorbitant fees for a crummy hot dog or a tiny falafel. Although to be fair, considering how quickly restaurants have been closing lately in Uptown, it is nice to finally be able to get some decent, fast grub without having to go to either McDonald's or Jimmy Johns.

So... the Uptown Art Fair. It's worth checking out if you are willing to drive around for an hour looking for a parking space in order to look at art you won't buy and eat food you won't like. If you decide to come by, be sure to knock on my window and say hi.

The Bulldog

My girlfriend lives right around the corner from The Bulldog, so I always suggest it when we're thinking about what to do for dinner. I suggest it not only because it's so close, but because their bar food is fantastic and they have a ridiculously large selection of beers on tap and in bottles. Shannon usually shoots it down because the service is pretty bad, the space is dark and dingy, and the entire atmosphere is generally unappealing and uncomfortable.

And... we're both right.

Sure, Bulldog isn't going to win any rave reviews for their atmosphere, which most definitely is very dingy (her word for the place, not mine, but there's really no better adjective to describe it). If you wanted to be charitable, you could say the Bulldog is "charming" and and leave it at that, but we all know what that means. It's just a dark, dingy, windowless room with a bunch of high tables lining the walls around the bar. The enclosed patio is a little better, but it's where the smokers go so having actual light is the trade-0ff for the disgusting smell of cigarettes while you eat and drink.

The service is occasionally friendly but usually very slow, but that's ok because at least it's never been rude.

But enough about the atmosphere. Nobody goes to a bar for atmosphere. If you want atmosphere, go to a "restaurant," your royal highness. I go to a bar to drink and eat, and the Bulldog more than delivers. To begin with, their menu is longer and more varied than any bar menu has to be. If you can't find something on their that makes your mouth water, then you don't deserve to eat. Standouts include the amazing Chicago Style Italian Beef Sandwich, the Fish & Chips (you know they're good because there's already malt vinegar on the table), or the extensive selection of hot dogs. But you'll probably just end up getting a hamburger, which is fine because they're awesome. The Bulldog is the kind of restaurant that when you order a burger medium rare, it will actually come medium rare, not well done. (*cough* Herkimer *cough*)

And how can you not love any restaurant that has deviled eggs on their appetizer menu? I've never ordered them, but only because I don't want to risk getting drunk after deviled eggs were the last thing I've eaten. But I'm sure they're very good.

The beer menu is just as long as their food menu, and has a mixture of stuff that sounds fancy and expensive with, you know, stuff I actually order. Happy hour is every day from 3-7 and gets you $1 off taps and bottles. It's not the best happy hour in town, but it's better than nothing and it's long enough to make it worth coming here during dinner time.

At the end of the day, the Bulldog would be just another dingy dive, but they've managed to make themselves standout as something special because of their extensive menu and outstanding food. And to be fair, whenever I do convince Shannon to eat there, she admits that the food is good and the atmosphere isn't that bad. But it would be nice if they, you know, had a window.

4 out of 5

The Bad Waitress

Don't be scared off by the name. The service at The Bad Waitress isn't bad, though it isn't exactly exemplary either. In fact, the servers can only be referred to as waitresses in the most limited sense of the word, since you have to seat yourself and order and pay at the counter. The waitresses bring the food to your table and, on occasion, will offer to refill your drink, but that's the full extent of the service. So the place may as well be called No Waitress all things considered. But what's in a name? No matter what you want to call it, Bad Waitress has some of the best diner food in the Twin Cities.

I'm going to praise the Bad Waitress by quickly pointing out one of my biggest restaurant pet peeves: When you walk into a restaurant for the first time and have no idea what to do. Do you seat yourself or wait? So you'll stand there for a bit waiting for help that never comes, the awkwardness growing as the servers walk past you without saying anything or letting you know what the deal is. I hate that and so do you. But the Bad Waitress, thankfully, has a sign letting you know that you seat yourself, where you'll then find detailed instructions on how to order and pay. It's academic and it's hardly worth the dedication of an entire paragraph in this review, but it's a nice thing all the same that's much appreciated.

The menu is diner fair, but kicked up with a retro twist. The burgers are very good, but not good enough to win any best of awards. The breakfast selections are numerous, but all kind of bland in my opinion, though I have heard many people rave about it. But I go for lunch, because the sandwiches are off the hook. Their tuna melt is hands down the best I've ever had anywhere. I don't know what they add to the tuna to make it so good, but it's one of the best things I've ever eaten. No joke. Other standouts are the curried chicken salad and the hot pastrami sandwich. But, really, I've never received any sandwiches here that were less than fantastic.

But here's a nitpick: No french fries. I'm not going to say it's a deal breaker, since I go there quite often and always enjoy it, but I do think it's mistake. I just love french fries with a burger or sandwich, and I know in my heart that theirs would be delicious. What you do get with your order are tortilla chips and an amazing, homemade salsa. The salsa is seriously better than anything you'd get at most Mexican restaurants, with a fresh, robust flavor that will almost make you forgive them for not having french fries. Almost.

The Bad Waitress also offers happy hour and daily specials, none of which are all that amazing or worth mentioning in detail here. Check their website for more information. The decor is kitschy, but without being annoyingly so. Monster movie posters from the 50s adorn the walls and each table is given a different comic book character to let the servers know where to bring your food. The booths and tables are all extremely comfortable, and I guess they have wi-fi since I always see people with laptops. At the end of the day, it's just a bright, laid back diner with great food and no waitresses. Check it out.

5 out of 5

Pancho Villa's

Everything I know about Pancho Villa is what little I learned from that one episode of the Young Indiana Jones Chronicles. I know he was some kind of Mexican revolutionary, and that he kidnapped Indiana Jones who eventually joined his band of rebels and went along on some raids. It was a good episode, but not all that informative about the actual historical person, much like the episodes where Indiana Jones met T.E. Lawrence, Pablo Picasso, and Teddy Roosevelt. That kid got around.

Anyway, here's all you need to know about Pancho Villa's, a Mexican restaurant on Minneapolis's Eat Street: It's awesome.

As Mexican restaurants go, they have a ridiculously large menu, most of which has gone ignored by me. Whenever I go I see groups of Hispanic people with delicious looking, authentic Mexican entrees that are probably exceptional, but I always stick with what I know: a combo platter that comes with tacos, enchiladas, rice, and beans. Every now and again I'll feel adventurous and get a different combo platter -- perhaps one with a flauta or a tostada -- but it always has to have a taco, because Pancho Villa's has some of the best I've ever had. The tacos come either with your choice of meat, onions, and cilantro, or Durraza style, which has meat, tomatos, lettuce, and cheese. The tortillas are fantasticly flavorful, with a wonderful texture that is the perfect balance between being too soft and too rubbery.

Or you could be more exciting and order something that looks like this:

Every table gets free chips and salsa, which is becoming something of a rarity these days, so it's nice to see a place that still does it right. And whenever you finish off a bowl of chips, the waitress magically appears to ask if you need a refill. The salsa is fresh tasting and very spicy, at least by Minnesota standards, and while it isn't absolutely amazing, it is good enough. I like it.

The service is always fast and friendly, with an abundance of servers who seem willing and happy to help as needed. This isn't one of those places where you'll wait forever for your drinks until you realize there's only one waitress for the entire section. This place always seems to have a dozen or so waitresses working at any given time. Why is that so hard to accomplish? Why is that so rare? And when I came once with a friend who was shocked to see that she was charged for a side of sour cream (even though it was listed on the menu), they apologized and agreed to take it off the bill. That's class.

Best of all: Two for one tap beers and margaritas all day. That's not a happy hour, that's a happy day.

Actually, best of all is the tres leches cake. You won't be able to eat dessert after finishing a meal at Pancho Villa's, but order a slice to go. Trust me, it's incredible. I wouldn't normally recommend getting desert at a Mexican restaurant, but this is one of my favorites.

Bottom line: Pancho Villa's is probably my favorite Mexican restaurant in the Twin Cities, considering the quality of its food and service, the price, and the fact that there is free parking. Just go there already.

5 out of 5

P.F. Chang's China Bistro

I know it's not cool to say such things about a chain restaurant, but P.F. Chang's used to be my favorite place for Chinese food. But over the years either my palate has gotten more sophisticated (doubtful) or their food has gotten worse (more likely), which in combination with ridiculously long waits and particularly poor service caused me to lower Chang's in my estimation. And the last time I went there, it was just a terrible experience.

My favorite dish in all of Chinese cuisine is Peking Duck, which is incredibly hard to find and when you do it's incredibly expensive. But all across the country, the Cantonese Duck at P.F. Chang's is a very good approximation. It's nowhere near as succulent or delicious as you'd find in an authentic Chinese restaurant, but it's good enough, with the same doughy pancakes, scallions, chopped cucumbers, and tangy hoisin sauce, and only 12 bucks. But on my last visit, the duck was gone -- completely stricken from the menu both in Edina and everywhere else. This was a few months ago and their online menu now has something called V.I.P, Duck, which very well may be the same thing, but the only description provided is, "Splurge a little... this dish will make you feel like royalty." And it's 20 bucks. No thanks.

Not being able to get the duck had been the second upset of the night, after the buzzer they gave us was broken. After waiting close to an hour for a table, we noticed people who had come after us being buzzed for a table. I finally went up to check on where we were, and they said they had buzzed us a while ago. I assured them we han't been, and when they took the buzzer back, they noticed it wasn't working. They didn't apologize, just gave us another one and said we were moved to the top of the list. Having to wait a while longer for a table just to learn we couldn't get the duck was a shame, but not the end of the world since the rest of their food is quite good, if a bit overpriced all things considered. The duck was one of the few dishes that you couldn't find at any other Chinese restaurant, so it made it worth the trip and worth the money. Having to wait an hour for a table just so you can pay $12 for an order of beef with broccoli doesn't really make sense. But my girlfriend and I had already say down so we went ahead and ordered two different entrees with white rice.

It also wasn't the end of the world when the server brought our meals with brown rice instead of white rice, but the fact that she dropped it all off so quickly and then turned and walked away with asking if we needed anything else didn't help much. We tried to flag her down, but she never came over. Finally, after maybe ten minutes, a man walking around in a suit saw me trying to flag down a server -- any server at that point. We told him we had ordered white rice and not brown, and he apologized and said he would be right back. After a few more minutes, our waitress finally came back to check in, and we told her about the rice mix up, but that we had told some guy about it and that he would come back.

"You told one of those guys?" she asked, gesturing toward an hispanic busboy clearing the next table. "I don't think they speak English. Don't ask them for anything."

I tried my best to ignore the somewhat racist implications in her statement and lether know that we had asked an older gentleman in a suit. She seemed upset by this because he was clearly one of the restaurant's managers. She told us that he probably wouldn't be able to get more white rice because it was still cooking and would be awhile. Then she just walked away. The manager came back while later and said that the white rice was indeed cooking and that it would be a few more minutes, and then offered to take our food away and bring it back when the rice was done. By that point we had been in the restaurant over and hour and just wanted to eat our food, so we said it was fine.

The white rice finally came as we were finishing up the last few bits of our food, and the manager gaves us something like %15 off of our appetizer. How nice. Oh, and while all of this was happening, we watched another table attempting to flag down a server to bring their check for about a half an hour. So at least it wasn't just our bad luck. It got spread around a little that night.

So we haven't been back, nor do we intend to anytime soon. The service that night had been exceptionally poor, but even at their best it's never been very good. It's just an overcrowded, overpriced, overhyped chain Chinese restaurant that used to have one dish I liked but now they don't. But check it out if you're into that sort of thing.

2 out of 5

Matt's Bar

I finally lost my virginity today.

At least, according to the guy sitting next to us at Matt's Bar. After standing awkwardly in the doorway for a few minutes -- because Matt's is the kind of place where you do that for the first time, because there are no signs telling you what to do and the entire staff ignores you -- some guy told flagged me and my girlfriend down and said there were two stools open at the end of the bar next to him. It turned out his name was John and he was a Matt's regular who had been coming ever since he was a kid. John was a talkative guy who talked to us throughout our meal, and when he found out that I had never been there before, he exclaimed, "We've got a virgin!"

You get the feeling that kind of thing happens all the time at Matt's, ones of those bars that's somehow able to turn dinginess into charm when viewed through the lens of nostalgia. I'm from New England originally and not Minnesota, so to me Matt's is just a dive bar that serves the original Jucy Lucy, a burger with the cheese on the inside instead of on the top. But to people who live here, it is an institution and the Jucy Lucy has somehow achieved almost mythic stature. So of course I had to try it, but the fact that it took me about six years to do so should tell you about how skeptical I was.

I think in order to truly appreciate the Jucy Lucy at Matt's, you need to sit next to John. He warned us about the cheese, gave us advice on how to eat it, and regaled us with stories of the history of both Matt's and the city in general. He talked so much and was so effusively charming, we almost wanted him to -- and I need to put this delicately -- shut the hell up already and leave us alone. But he definitely made us laugh and added to the ambiance of the place.

Then again, sitting next to John only serves to hype the burger up even more. And, as burgers go, there can't be many that have achieved higher acclaim, won more awards, or topped as many "Best of" lists in as many magazines and newspapers. Even if the burger isn't exactly world famous, enough Minnesotans seem to think it is so it amounts to the same thing. Few legends ever live up to the hype. But then again, some do.

A lot of people honestly believe that the Jucy Lucy at Matt's bar lives up to the hype. But I didn't really think so, though I thought it was a very tasty burger for sure. But I wouldn't rank it as the best burger in the Twin Cities, nor even one of the top ten. It was just a pretty good burger with some cheese in the middle instead of on top. It's fun the first time you bite into it and get scalded by hot cheese that pours onto your fingers and down your chin, but it got less fun as I continued to eat. It didn't get less tasty, but it definitely got messy and less appealing. Also, as a person who enjoys a medium rare burger with a nice pink center, a well done burger with a cheesy center doesn't really do it for me. But, again, it's a good burger, and for the price it's worth getting, if not once, maybe even multiple times.

The fries, however, were exceptional, and served in a heaping pile. A half order is also offered, which I'd probably recommend for the people who don't have the appetite of, say, John from Matt's Bar. My girlfriend and I ate maybe half of our order, but not because they weren't good. I wasn't as enthused about the drink offerings, which include 3.2 beer or pop in cans. I'm not going to comment on their choice to have 3.2 beer on tap, but having just cans of soda is a little vexing, considering how long the burgers took to cook. If I'm eating at a restaurant, I want fountain soda with free refills, not cans. It's their right to serve it that way, of course, but it's almost enough of a dealbreaker that I would be more likely to go somewhere else.

At the end of the day, Matt's Bar is a charming place that was a lot of fun but didn't quite live up to the hype. I liked the burger, but I certainly didn't love it, and I'm still confused as to how it achieved a celebrity status that makes it the subject of TV shows and magazine articles. Bottom line: if my friends told me they were going to Matt's for burgers, I'd definitely tag along, order a Jucy Lucy, and have a great time, but I wouldn't choose to go there on my own. But if you do go there, say hit to John for me. He's always on the lookout for some virgins.

3 out of 5

Roat Osha

In the beginning, there was Sawatdee, first in St. Paul and then all over Minnesota, with my favorite located on the corner of Hennepin and 26th st, in a building that was clearly a converted Hardee's. After many years, the Sawatdee sign came down and it existed for a while as "that Thai restuarant that used to be Sawatdee." It was very strange going to a restaurant with no name -- even the menus just said "menu" -- but the decor and the cuisine were identical to Sawatdee's, so it was worth it. Then, the entire building came down, only to be completely rebuilt as yet another Thai restaurant, Roat Osha, owned by the people as Tum Rup Thai a few blocks away on Lake St.

Now, I bored you with that history lesson for one reason: I had to pad my review because I don't have that much to say about Roat Osha, other than that it's my favorite Thai restuarant in Uptown. Honestly, there aren't any bad Thai restaurants in Uptown, so you can't go wrong with any of them, and I frankly don't have a sophisticated enough palate to lecture you on the differences between the red curry found at Roat Osha opposed to anywhere else. To me, they all taste very, very similar, which is good because that means they are all very, very good.

What separates Roat Osha for me is that ambiance is just... better. The ceilings are high and the windows are big, so the space feels bright and vibrant. It also gets very crowded, but the layout of the restaurant somehow counters that and makes it feel quieter and more under control. The servers are extremely friendly and helpful, which is more than I can say from what you'll find at those other Thai places in Uptown. Oh, and there's free parking in their lot, which makes it worth the trip if you're actually driving to Uptown.

And that's all I have to say about Roat Osha, a fantastic Thai restaurant that gets my thumbs up. If you want Thai and you're in Uptown, you can't go wrong, but you can't go much righter by going here.

5 out of 5

Red's Savoy Pizza Uptown

Galooney's had been an Uptown tradition for over 15 years. Granted, I've only lived in Minnesota for about 6 years or so, but Galooney's quickly became my favorite sub shop. Needless to say, I was sorry to see its doors close earlier this year. The end of Galooney's is a long, sad story that I don't want to dwell on too much because the wounds are still so fresh. After the doors closed and the lights went out, a sign quickly went up saying that Galooney's was under new management and would reopen up some time in the future with the ridiculously long name of The Original Red's Savoy Pizza Uptown.

I had maybe heard of Red's Savoy Pizza as a place that was well liked by the pizza across the river in St. Paul, but I had never been there myself and didn't know what to expect. After doing some research (I, um, Googled "Galooney's closing") I found a blog set up by the new owners to keep people up to date on the progress of the new location, but they unfortunately post to their blog even more rarely than I post to mine, and almost all of them (until the last one) say something along the lines of, "we're not open yet, and don't know when we will be..." In fact, in the past two paragraphs I've probably posted more substantive information about the restaurant they they did on their entire blog.

But all of that is irrelevant because it finally opened up last week... and it's really good!

Red's is very similar to Galooneys, and yet also very different, as though they made a very strong effort to please fans of both establishments. It's sort of like if they were remodeling Galooney's during a severe ion storm, throwing the restaurant into Star Trek's Mirror Mirror Universe. They layout was much cleaner and sleek than Galooney's was, but that was probably as much because it's new than an actual design decision. There's now a big wall blocking the kitchen, whereas it was all open at Galooney's. There are still tables out in front along the sidewalk, but the backroom seems a little smaller and just as a few booths where Galooney's had booths and tables crammed in. But the biggest change is that instead of ordering at the counter and either taking it to go or having it brought to your table (if you were lucky), you now sit down and wait for a server. You can still order at the counter to go, but if you want to eat it, you have to sit down and order from the table.

I'm not a huge fan of this change since it makes grabbing a meal there far more formal than it should be, and when there's only one or two servers, the wait can get pretty long if they suddenly get swamped at the counter and at the tables. Also, and this is maybe a selfish concern, but with table service I'm going to be forced to tip more, which might make me go there less often. Oh yeah, and instead of having self-serve soda dispensers and paper cups, they now have for here cups that you have to wait for your server to refill for you. If you want take-out, which took about fifteen minutes the first time I was there, you can only get a can of soda. If I'm waiting upwards of fifteen minutes or more for takeout, give me a paper cup and some free refills. Also, ditch the table service, since just feels awkward and slows things down way too much.

But how's the food? It's fantastic. If you loved Galooney's and have been nervous about where you're going to get another philly cheesesteak that was as good, have no fear about coming back to the same location. I actually think Red's subs are better than Galooney's were. That was such a bold statement, I had to format it as such. The menu contains more than a few mainstays from the old Galooney's menu, and you can even order some subs "Galooney's style" if you want they served the way you remember, slathered with mayo and peppers and all that good stuff. Even if you've never been to Galooney's, get your sub Galooney's style anyway. Where Galooney's subs used to come in a choice of two different sizes, Red's offers one that is midway between a large and a small. It's the perfect size, in my opinion, but maybe not if you want leftovers or are sharing. It's better than what you'd get at Caffrey's, however, which are delicious but always leave me feeling as hungry as I was when I walked in. Come to Red's and you'll leave full.

About the pizza I can't comment yet because I haven't tried it. But I already have to dock them a few points because they don't offer slices. Admittedly, I was never a big fan of Galooney's pizza, choosing to go there for the subs almost exclusively, but I would pop in every now and again for a slice and a soda. You can't do that at Red's, which totally sucks, in my opinion. They're pizza seems to be reasonably priced and I'll probably try it someday, but then again, maybe I won't. Usually when I want pizza, I go with a place I know is good. I'd be more likely to give Red's a try if they offered it by the slice. I hate to belabor the point too much, but it just doesn't make any sense to me.

The service was a bit of a mixed bag both times I visited last week, but no so bad that I hesitated to come back again within the same week. Also, it's a newly opened joint so we can't expect everything to run smoothly. But they could speed up the ordering process by putting up a big menu board instead of forcing customers to flip through the menu's kept next to the register. Also, I think they need a better computer system or something, because it seemed to take them a while to punch everything in. Also, when we asked to have our check of $16.00 split between two credit cards, the waitress charged $12.00 to each card. I have no idea how a person could make a mistake like that, but it's a pretty big one all things considered. After I explained it to her, she apologized and voided the transaction and rerang it correctly.

Also, and don't tell my girlfriend I said this, but both times I visited there were some pretty girls working behind the counter. If you're into that sort of thing. I only mention that in the interest of full disclosure about the restaurant. Back when I used to go to Galooney's, there were always cute -- not to mentioned stoned -- guys working behind the counter. This is another improvement Red's has made.

I had a few issues to be sure, and made some suggestions that might kick the place up a notch, but even if they ignore me it's still going to be a fantastic sub shop. I spent much of this year worrying about what I was going to do after the loss of Galooney's, but I can finally sleep soundly at night. Red's is here, and all is right in the world.

4.5 out of 5

Sushi Tango

The new Sushi Tango has finally opened its doors, right across the hallway from the location of the old Sushi Tango. The menu is more extensive, the space is larger and more comfortable, and the ambiance is brighter and looks more trendy. So rest assured that the wait is over and it was well worth it. Sushi Tango is back and, I'm happy to say, it's probably going to be better than ever.

Die hard fans of the old location might need a period of adjustment as they get used to the new decor and a vibe that, frankly, seems like a different restaurant all together, but much of the wait staff is the same and the food tasted as good as ever. The sushi still tasted fresh and delicious and even though the egg rolls are now called spring rolls, they tasted the same, albeit with a different sauce. The service was quite slow -- and the appetizers arrived along with the main course, which I absolutely hate -- but they did just open their doors a week or so ago, so I'm willing to give them time to work out the kinks of the new establishment. Though, to be sure, Tango's service has never been particularly fast, which is fine because the servers are friendly and personable and the food is always worth the wait. However, the new location is larger which might make it harder to flag down your server when you're ready for that second bottle of sake.

Along with the familiar menu of fantastic, original sushi rolls and traditional Japanese entrees are new Benihana-style hibachi tables which I did not try, nor did anybody while we were there. There is also a patio overlooking the Calhoun Square parking garage which looks cozy and big, but also completely devoid of tables. When I asked the server when the patio was going to open, she told me they still haven't received the ok from the city to serve food on the patio, so it remains to be seen when that will happen. I hope they sort it out soon, because nice, comfortable patios that aren't just tables set out on the sidewalk are few and far between in Uptown.

The bathrooms were also a little strange, with two mens rooms, one with just a urinal and another with just a toilet. I don't want to sound crass, but if you find yourself having to seriously take a number two, make sure you choose the door that says "mens/handicapped." A long sink under a dual-sided mirror separates the bathroom areas, allowing men and women to wash their hands across from one another. I suppose this might be fun for coeds on Saturday night, but I found the placement of the faucets right under the mirror to be quite awkward. I had to lean back as I ducked down to keep my face from hitting the mirror as I reached for the faucet. You'll see what I mean when you go there and wash your hands.

But little quirks aside, it's a lovely space housing a fantastic restaurant. If you've never been to Sushi Tango, it's one of the best sushi restaurants in the city and you're in for a real treat. If you have been to the old location, rest assured that there has been no noticeable decline in quality in their move to a bigger, better location. Sushi Tango remains my second favorite sushi restaurant after Nami, and my very favorite in Uptown. It also has a fantastic happy hour, which I discussed here.

5 out of 5

It's 5 O'Clock Somewhere

"But, Donald," you might be asking, "where can I go in uptown for a good happy hour?"

A very good question, and you came to the right place. I'm a man who enjoys nothing more than having a cold beer and some bar food... at a reasonable price, of course. And in today's economy (and boy do I hate that cliche as much as you do, but it's unfortunately true) who can turn down a good deal on both? So here is a list of my five favorite places to get happy hour in the Uptown Minneapolis area.

And I'm limited my list to Uptown because, frankly, that's where I live so that's where I go. If somebody wants to write up a list of the top five best happy hours in St. Paul or elsewhere, I'd be more than happy to post it.

Anyway, in no particular order and without further ado, five great places to get some booze and some food after work:

Figlio
Don't be intimidated by Figlio because it's a great little place with some great deals. Between the hours of 4 and 7 every day of the week, though many days have extended hours. Monday and Sunday have happy hour all day, for example. Check their website for more details. During those times, you can get wine, well drinks, and certain tap beers for 3 bucks, as well as a variety of really good appetizers. Again, check the website for the full menu, but I highly recommend the pizzas and miniburgers.

The service can be hit or miss, ranging from quite good to quite terrible (any time we've ever wanted a glass of water, for example, we've had to ask multiple times, and often been forced to finally go to the bar to get it ourselves), but the servers can also be quite sexy (for the guys and for the girls) if you're into that sort of thing. The bar can get kind of crowded (and maybe even a little douchey, but less so than most Uptown bars, in my opinion), but the ambiance is nice and the big windows keep the place sunny and bright.


The Independent
From 3-7 every night you get the following specials:

2-for-1 mixed drinks
$5 martinis
$3 select taps
$3 select house wines
$5 appetizers

That's a pretty big bang for your buck, but I recommend sticking with the beer or wine. Their mixed drinks are super weak, and the majority of their martinis, frankly, aren't very good. I used to get one called Hypnotique Breeze that was delicious, but it hasn't been on the menu the past few times I've been there. But their house wines are fine and they usually have a good selection of beers on tap.

But it's worth going there just for their appetizers. Many bars have a separate menu of snacks that they serve during Happy Hour, but the Independent actually has a few appetizers from the regular menu that they discount, all of which are well worth more than a mere $5. The nachos are huge and heaping with cheese, chicken, guacamole, and lots of other stuff, and the pizza is big enough to fill up two people (well, two girls, anyway. I can eat an entire one by myself), but my favorite is the duck dim sum. It's absolutely off the hook. They changed the recipe to pork (I think) a while ago, but quickly changed it back to duck because enough people probably complained.

The service is usually pretty terrible, and the ambiance is pretty dingy unless you sit by along the windows behind the bar, but the food is so good it's worth checking out.


Common Roots Cafe
A coffee shop -- as trendy as it may be -- seems like an unlikely choice for happy hour, but Common Roots delivers with a nice selection of $3 tap beers, $4 wine, and a small selection of $5 appetizers between 3-6pm and then 9-11pm daily. So, no, it's not a bar, but that's one of the reasons why I keep going back. There's just something nice about getting a beer at a coffee shop, especially one as cozy and laid back as this one, although there are usually way too many people hovering over their laptops. Walking to your table can be a hazard with all of the powercords littered along the floor.

The service is... ok. The people who work there all seem very nice and friendly, but sometimes you get the idea that customer service isn't always their highest priority. They need better deployment or something, since everytime I look up a different person is working at a different position. But, as I said, they're all quite nice and pleasant, though some definitely more than others. There's also a really great patio, but they should invest in some umbrellas for the tables because sometimes it gets a little too much sun.


Sushi Tango
As of the time of this writing, the Sushi Tango that was located in Calhoun Square has closed its doors, and opened up directly across the hallway. I have yet to vist the new (and, let's hope, improved) Sushi Tango location, but the details for the happy hour seem to be the same, and that's a good thing, since their offers have always been fantastic. Sushi Tango has both a mid evening and a late night happy hour most nights containing discounted wines, beers, sakes, appetizers, and sushi rolls.

Again, I haven't been to the new location, but the old Sushi Tango was a fun, hip joint with loud music and likable servers. The new location looks to be brighter and has a patio, so that's two improvements right there. As far as beers go, they have a few imports in bottle, but I usually get the sake, which comes in two different sizes, both of which are reasonably price during happy hour. The rolls are some of the best in the cities, in my opinion, and their egg rolls are my favorite in the city. They're off the hook. At least, they were. Let's hope they haven't changed the recipe when they changed locations.

The Herkimer
At first glance, Herk's happy hour doesn't seem that great. They have 2-for-1 beers and well drinks and a few discounted appetizers, all of which are ok but not worth talking about. But what sets Herk over the top is that they brew all of their own beers, and they're all fantastic. They also have some of the best burgers in town, which go great with their homebrewed beers.

Herkimer gets super crowded at night, but Happy Hour is usually laid back and quiet, and they even have a late night happy hour featuring $3 beers and well drinks. Also, they're patio is pretty decent, but I usually sit inside because I dig the ambiance of the laid back bar setting. It's just a cool place and I've never met anybody who doesn't love it.

Honorable Mentions:

Mount Fuji Sushi just opened up across from the YWCA on Hennepin, and it's fantastic. They have discounted beers and sake, and some of the best sushi rolls around. They have one of the more extensive happy hour menues around, and would've been in my top picks had I compliled a top six instead of a top five.

Cafe Barbette is worth checking out for their discounted wines, and because their happy hour portion of muscles is about as delicious as anything you'll eat during happy hour. Otherwise, they are a little too expensive and a little too trendy for my tastes, if that makes any sense. But the muscles are fantastic.

Liquor Lyle's is famous for having a wide variety of cheap happy hour specials, but I can't comment much because I've never been there. But I hear about it so often than I always mean to check it out, but it's too far down Hennepin for a guy as lazy as me. I only get happy hour at places within walking distance.

Sunnyside Up Cafe

(This restaurant has closed)

Here is all you need to know about Sunnyside Up Cafe: It has the best breakfast in the Twin Cities. But... I guess I should elaborate on that.

Sunnyside Up also offers lunch and (on certain nights) dinner, but I can't comment on either of those options because I go there for breakfast. Even were I to go there later in the day with the intention of getting lunch or dinner, I'm sure I would break down and end up getting breakfast anyway. And why not? It's just so damn good.

Calling the place a greasy spoon would probably be too flattering, and it if ever appears on that show Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives, it wouldn't be because it's a diner or a drive-in. It's one large, garishly designed room with strange, oddly captivating murals on the wall depicting anthropomorphic armadillos, turtles, and other such animals camping out in the desert. The service is curt but perfunctory, and they must have a high turn-over rate because I rarely see the same server more than once or twice. Service speed is usually pretty snappy during the week, but expect excruciatingly long waits for both a table and then your food on the weekends.

The menu contains the usual breakfast fair in the usual combinations and varieties, though the flavors are certainly extraordinary and the portion sizes are huge. You could definitely order a combination plate and finish it all in one sitting, but I don't recommend it. One of my favorite things about breakfast at Sunnyside Up is being able to take my leftovers home to eat for lunch and dinner. Along with the usual eggs, pancakes, and other breakfast standards, are the kitchen's fantastic Tex Mex inspired dishes, including the best juevoes rancheroes I've ever had (and, granted, I live in Minnesota and not Mexico) and a "cowboy" pork torillia torte that is totally off the hook.

I usually get the eggs Benedict with American fries, since the homemade hollandaise sauce is amazing, and their potatoes have just the right blend of flavor and crunch. The french toast is also fantastic in somewhat unique, having a crunchy crust made from cornflakes, or some other such cereal. And they always have different specials, combos, and new items.

I can't recommend this place highly enough, with the only downsides being occasionally slow and less than enthusiastic service, but the food is so good, and the ambiance so laid back and comfortable, that you won't mind waiting. Also, they only accept cash and checks, but there is an ATM located at the back in case you only have a credit card. Oh, and the bathrooms are pretty gross, and they take you right past the open kitchen which looks ever grosser, but the less said about that the better.

5 out of 5

Mickey's Diner

Mickey's Diner is a Twin Cities Institution. Mickey's Diner is on the National Historic Register. Mickey's Diner was seen briefly in such films as Prairie Home Companion, The Mighty Ducks, and Jingle All the Way, and featured in an episode of Rachel Ray's Tasty Travels. Mickey's Diner is the favorite restaurant of former governor and wrestling superstar Jessie "the Body" Ventura.
Oh yeah, and Mickey's Diner really sucks.
It's certainly not without its charm, of course. Dare I say Mickey's may even be the most charming restaurants in the cities. It's a stainless steel, WWII era train car style diner in the heart of St. Paul. As historical landmarks go, it's one of the oldest and most gorgeous restaurants in the city. From a distance anyway. Once you get close enough to see the rust on the steel and the grime in the windows, the charm sort of starts to fade. But don't let that scare you away! If you made it that far you may as well go in and spend an awkward 45 minutes waiting for a seat to open up so you can suffer through really terrible service and attempt to finish a completely inedible meal. But maybe I'm being harsh. After all, it is charming.
"But, Donald!" some of you are probably shouting at your computer screens. "You're completely missing the point of a diner! You don't go there for the food, you go there for the atmosphere!"
To that I say, "shove it!"
I love diners. I've grown up in diners. As much as I love a gourmet meal, I'm a simple man at heart and have always felt more comfortable in a greasy spoon dive than anywhere else. But that's provided the food is at least edible, though decent would be preferable, and actually good would be best of all. Diners are restaurants too, and diner food is good. But Mickey's Diner really sucks.
When I bit into my burger, my heart sank. It was that bad, and not just the taste, but the consistency as well. It wasn't meat. I'm not exaggerating by saying I could get a less processed, meatier burger patty at McDonald's than the one I was served at Mickey's Diner. The two people with whom I ate both got breakfast, which was marginally better than my burger, but nothing really to write home - or anywhere - about. One was a bland, kind of unappealing omelet smothered in chili and the other was a bland fried egg on toast that would've tasted better from my own kitchen. And I'm a mediocre cook. But so is the guy working the griddle at Mickey's Diner. Have I mentioned yet that their food sucks?
I suppose I'd be a little nicer and forgiving had their service been, you know, not lacking in the most basic human decency. I don't know about you, but I don't like to feel as though I'm inconveniencing a wait staff by actually eating in their restaurant. Open hostility isn't great for a patron's digestive system.
But that's just me. Maybe you'll love this place. If you do, they are open 24 hours a day in order to serve your needs. After all, Jessie Ventura wouldn't lie to you.
1 out of 5