Mickey's Diner

Mickey's Diner is a Twin Cities Institution. Mickey's Diner is on the National Historic Register. Mickey's Diner was seen briefly in such films as Prairie Home Companion, The Mighty Ducks, and Jingle All the Way, and featured in an episode of Rachel Ray's Tasty Travels. Mickey's Diner is the favorite restaurant of former governor and wrestling superstar Jessie "the Body" Ventura.
Oh yeah, and Mickey's Diner really sucks.
It's certainly not without its charm, of course. Dare I say Mickey's may even be the most charming restaurants in the cities. It's a stainless steel, WWII era train car style diner in the heart of St. Paul. As historical landmarks go, it's one of the oldest and most gorgeous restaurants in the city. From a distance anyway. Once you get close enough to see the rust on the steel and the grime in the windows, the charm sort of starts to fade. But don't let that scare you away! If you made it that far you may as well go in and spend an awkward 45 minutes waiting for a seat to open up so you can suffer through really terrible service and attempt to finish a completely inedible meal. But maybe I'm being harsh. After all, it is charming.
"But, Donald!" some of you are probably shouting at your computer screens. "You're completely missing the point of a diner! You don't go there for the food, you go there for the atmosphere!"
To that I say, "shove it!"
I love diners. I've grown up in diners. As much as I love a gourmet meal, I'm a simple man at heart and have always felt more comfortable in a greasy spoon dive than anywhere else. But that's provided the food is at least edible, though decent would be preferable, and actually good would be best of all. Diners are restaurants too, and diner food is good. But Mickey's Diner really sucks.
When I bit into my burger, my heart sank. It was that bad, and not just the taste, but the consistency as well. It wasn't meat. I'm not exaggerating by saying I could get a less processed, meatier burger patty at McDonald's than the one I was served at Mickey's Diner. The two people with whom I ate both got breakfast, which was marginally better than my burger, but nothing really to write home - or anywhere - about. One was a bland, kind of unappealing omelet smothered in chili and the other was a bland fried egg on toast that would've tasted better from my own kitchen. And I'm a mediocre cook. But so is the guy working the griddle at Mickey's Diner. Have I mentioned yet that their food sucks?
I suppose I'd be a little nicer and forgiving had their service been, you know, not lacking in the most basic human decency. I don't know about you, but I don't like to feel as though I'm inconveniencing a wait staff by actually eating in their restaurant. Open hostility isn't great for a patron's digestive system.
But that's just me. Maybe you'll love this place. If you do, they are open 24 hours a day in order to serve your needs. After all, Jessie Ventura wouldn't lie to you.
1 out of 5