Pancho Villa's

Everything I know about Pancho Villa is what little I learned from that one episode of the Young Indiana Jones Chronicles. I know he was some kind of Mexican revolutionary, and that he kidnapped Indiana Jones who eventually joined his band of rebels and went along on some raids. It was a good episode, but not all that informative about the actual historical person, much like the episodes where Indiana Jones met T.E. Lawrence, Pablo Picasso, and Teddy Roosevelt. That kid got around.

Anyway, here's all you need to know about Pancho Villa's, a Mexican restaurant on Minneapolis's Eat Street: It's awesome.

As Mexican restaurants go, they have a ridiculously large menu, most of which has gone ignored by me. Whenever I go I see groups of Hispanic people with delicious looking, authentic Mexican entrees that are probably exceptional, but I always stick with what I know: a combo platter that comes with tacos, enchiladas, rice, and beans. Every now and again I'll feel adventurous and get a different combo platter -- perhaps one with a flauta or a tostada -- but it always has to have a taco, because Pancho Villa's has some of the best I've ever had. The tacos come either with your choice of meat, onions, and cilantro, or Durraza style, which has meat, tomatos, lettuce, and cheese. The tortillas are fantasticly flavorful, with a wonderful texture that is the perfect balance between being too soft and too rubbery.

Or you could be more exciting and order something that looks like this:

Every table gets free chips and salsa, which is becoming something of a rarity these days, so it's nice to see a place that still does it right. And whenever you finish off a bowl of chips, the waitress magically appears to ask if you need a refill. The salsa is fresh tasting and very spicy, at least by Minnesota standards, and while it isn't absolutely amazing, it is good enough. I like it.

The service is always fast and friendly, with an abundance of servers who seem willing and happy to help as needed. This isn't one of those places where you'll wait forever for your drinks until you realize there's only one waitress for the entire section. This place always seems to have a dozen or so waitresses working at any given time. Why is that so hard to accomplish? Why is that so rare? And when I came once with a friend who was shocked to see that she was charged for a side of sour cream (even though it was listed on the menu), they apologized and agreed to take it off the bill. That's class.

Best of all: Two for one tap beers and margaritas all day. That's not a happy hour, that's a happy day.

Actually, best of all is the tres leches cake. You won't be able to eat dessert after finishing a meal at Pancho Villa's, but order a slice to go. Trust me, it's incredible. I wouldn't normally recommend getting desert at a Mexican restaurant, but this is one of my favorites.

Bottom line: Pancho Villa's is probably my favorite Mexican restaurant in the Twin Cities, considering the quality of its food and service, the price, and the fact that there is free parking. Just go there already.

5 out of 5

P.F. Chang's China Bistro

I know it's not cool to say such things about a chain restaurant, but P.F. Chang's used to be my favorite place for Chinese food. But over the years either my palate has gotten more sophisticated (doubtful) or their food has gotten worse (more likely), which in combination with ridiculously long waits and particularly poor service caused me to lower Chang's in my estimation. And the last time I went there, it was just a terrible experience.

My favorite dish in all of Chinese cuisine is Peking Duck, which is incredibly hard to find and when you do it's incredibly expensive. But all across the country, the Cantonese Duck at P.F. Chang's is a very good approximation. It's nowhere near as succulent or delicious as you'd find in an authentic Chinese restaurant, but it's good enough, with the same doughy pancakes, scallions, chopped cucumbers, and tangy hoisin sauce, and only 12 bucks. But on my last visit, the duck was gone -- completely stricken from the menu both in Edina and everywhere else. This was a few months ago and their online menu now has something called V.I.P, Duck, which very well may be the same thing, but the only description provided is, "Splurge a little... this dish will make you feel like royalty." And it's 20 bucks. No thanks.

Not being able to get the duck had been the second upset of the night, after the buzzer they gave us was broken. After waiting close to an hour for a table, we noticed people who had come after us being buzzed for a table. I finally went up to check on where we were, and they said they had buzzed us a while ago. I assured them we han't been, and when they took the buzzer back, they noticed it wasn't working. They didn't apologize, just gave us another one and said we were moved to the top of the list. Having to wait a while longer for a table just to learn we couldn't get the duck was a shame, but not the end of the world since the rest of their food is quite good, if a bit overpriced all things considered. The duck was one of the few dishes that you couldn't find at any other Chinese restaurant, so it made it worth the trip and worth the money. Having to wait an hour for a table just so you can pay $12 for an order of beef with broccoli doesn't really make sense. But my girlfriend and I had already say down so we went ahead and ordered two different entrees with white rice.

It also wasn't the end of the world when the server brought our meals with brown rice instead of white rice, but the fact that she dropped it all off so quickly and then turned and walked away with asking if we needed anything else didn't help much. We tried to flag her down, but she never came over. Finally, after maybe ten minutes, a man walking around in a suit saw me trying to flag down a server -- any server at that point. We told him we had ordered white rice and not brown, and he apologized and said he would be right back. After a few more minutes, our waitress finally came back to check in, and we told her about the rice mix up, but that we had told some guy about it and that he would come back.

"You told one of those guys?" she asked, gesturing toward an hispanic busboy clearing the next table. "I don't think they speak English. Don't ask them for anything."

I tried my best to ignore the somewhat racist implications in her statement and lether know that we had asked an older gentleman in a suit. She seemed upset by this because he was clearly one of the restaurant's managers. She told us that he probably wouldn't be able to get more white rice because it was still cooking and would be awhile. Then she just walked away. The manager came back while later and said that the white rice was indeed cooking and that it would be a few more minutes, and then offered to take our food away and bring it back when the rice was done. By that point we had been in the restaurant over and hour and just wanted to eat our food, so we said it was fine.

The white rice finally came as we were finishing up the last few bits of our food, and the manager gaves us something like %15 off of our appetizer. How nice. Oh, and while all of this was happening, we watched another table attempting to flag down a server to bring their check for about a half an hour. So at least it wasn't just our bad luck. It got spread around a little that night.

So we haven't been back, nor do we intend to anytime soon. The service that night had been exceptionally poor, but even at their best it's never been very good. It's just an overcrowded, overpriced, overhyped chain Chinese restaurant that used to have one dish I liked but now they don't. But check it out if you're into that sort of thing.

2 out of 5

Matt's Bar

I finally lost my virginity today.

At least, according to the guy sitting next to us at Matt's Bar. After standing awkwardly in the doorway for a few minutes -- because Matt's is the kind of place where you do that for the first time, because there are no signs telling you what to do and the entire staff ignores you -- some guy told flagged me and my girlfriend down and said there were two stools open at the end of the bar next to him. It turned out his name was John and he was a Matt's regular who had been coming ever since he was a kid. John was a talkative guy who talked to us throughout our meal, and when he found out that I had never been there before, he exclaimed, "We've got a virgin!"

You get the feeling that kind of thing happens all the time at Matt's, ones of those bars that's somehow able to turn dinginess into charm when viewed through the lens of nostalgia. I'm from New England originally and not Minnesota, so to me Matt's is just a dive bar that serves the original Jucy Lucy, a burger with the cheese on the inside instead of on the top. But to people who live here, it is an institution and the Jucy Lucy has somehow achieved almost mythic stature. So of course I had to try it, but the fact that it took me about six years to do so should tell you about how skeptical I was.

I think in order to truly appreciate the Jucy Lucy at Matt's, you need to sit next to John. He warned us about the cheese, gave us advice on how to eat it, and regaled us with stories of the history of both Matt's and the city in general. He talked so much and was so effusively charming, we almost wanted him to -- and I need to put this delicately -- shut the hell up already and leave us alone. But he definitely made us laugh and added to the ambiance of the place.

Then again, sitting next to John only serves to hype the burger up even more. And, as burgers go, there can't be many that have achieved higher acclaim, won more awards, or topped as many "Best of" lists in as many magazines and newspapers. Even if the burger isn't exactly world famous, enough Minnesotans seem to think it is so it amounts to the same thing. Few legends ever live up to the hype. But then again, some do.

A lot of people honestly believe that the Jucy Lucy at Matt's bar lives up to the hype. But I didn't really think so, though I thought it was a very tasty burger for sure. But I wouldn't rank it as the best burger in the Twin Cities, nor even one of the top ten. It was just a pretty good burger with some cheese in the middle instead of on top. It's fun the first time you bite into it and get scalded by hot cheese that pours onto your fingers and down your chin, but it got less fun as I continued to eat. It didn't get less tasty, but it definitely got messy and less appealing. Also, as a person who enjoys a medium rare burger with a nice pink center, a well done burger with a cheesy center doesn't really do it for me. But, again, it's a good burger, and for the price it's worth getting, if not once, maybe even multiple times.

The fries, however, were exceptional, and served in a heaping pile. A half order is also offered, which I'd probably recommend for the people who don't have the appetite of, say, John from Matt's Bar. My girlfriend and I ate maybe half of our order, but not because they weren't good. I wasn't as enthused about the drink offerings, which include 3.2 beer or pop in cans. I'm not going to comment on their choice to have 3.2 beer on tap, but having just cans of soda is a little vexing, considering how long the burgers took to cook. If I'm eating at a restaurant, I want fountain soda with free refills, not cans. It's their right to serve it that way, of course, but it's almost enough of a dealbreaker that I would be more likely to go somewhere else.

At the end of the day, Matt's Bar is a charming place that was a lot of fun but didn't quite live up to the hype. I liked the burger, but I certainly didn't love it, and I'm still confused as to how it achieved a celebrity status that makes it the subject of TV shows and magazine articles. Bottom line: if my friends told me they were going to Matt's for burgers, I'd definitely tag along, order a Jucy Lucy, and have a great time, but I wouldn't choose to go there on my own. But if you do go there, say hit to John for me. He's always on the lookout for some virgins.

3 out of 5

Roat Osha

In the beginning, there was Sawatdee, first in St. Paul and then all over Minnesota, with my favorite located on the corner of Hennepin and 26th st, in a building that was clearly a converted Hardee's. After many years, the Sawatdee sign came down and it existed for a while as "that Thai restuarant that used to be Sawatdee." It was very strange going to a restaurant with no name -- even the menus just said "menu" -- but the decor and the cuisine were identical to Sawatdee's, so it was worth it. Then, the entire building came down, only to be completely rebuilt as yet another Thai restaurant, Roat Osha, owned by the people as Tum Rup Thai a few blocks away on Lake St.

Now, I bored you with that history lesson for one reason: I had to pad my review because I don't have that much to say about Roat Osha, other than that it's my favorite Thai restuarant in Uptown. Honestly, there aren't any bad Thai restaurants in Uptown, so you can't go wrong with any of them, and I frankly don't have a sophisticated enough palate to lecture you on the differences between the red curry found at Roat Osha opposed to anywhere else. To me, they all taste very, very similar, which is good because that means they are all very, very good.

What separates Roat Osha for me is that ambiance is just... better. The ceilings are high and the windows are big, so the space feels bright and vibrant. It also gets very crowded, but the layout of the restaurant somehow counters that and makes it feel quieter and more under control. The servers are extremely friendly and helpful, which is more than I can say from what you'll find at those other Thai places in Uptown. Oh, and there's free parking in their lot, which makes it worth the trip if you're actually driving to Uptown.

And that's all I have to say about Roat Osha, a fantastic Thai restaurant that gets my thumbs up. If you want Thai and you're in Uptown, you can't go wrong, but you can't go much righter by going here.

5 out of 5

Red's Savoy Pizza Uptown

Galooney's had been an Uptown tradition for over 15 years. Granted, I've only lived in Minnesota for about 6 years or so, but Galooney's quickly became my favorite sub shop. Needless to say, I was sorry to see its doors close earlier this year. The end of Galooney's is a long, sad story that I don't want to dwell on too much because the wounds are still so fresh. After the doors closed and the lights went out, a sign quickly went up saying that Galooney's was under new management and would reopen up some time in the future with the ridiculously long name of The Original Red's Savoy Pizza Uptown.

I had maybe heard of Red's Savoy Pizza as a place that was well liked by the pizza across the river in St. Paul, but I had never been there myself and didn't know what to expect. After doing some research (I, um, Googled "Galooney's closing") I found a blog set up by the new owners to keep people up to date on the progress of the new location, but they unfortunately post to their blog even more rarely than I post to mine, and almost all of them (until the last one) say something along the lines of, "we're not open yet, and don't know when we will be..." In fact, in the past two paragraphs I've probably posted more substantive information about the restaurant they they did on their entire blog.

But all of that is irrelevant because it finally opened up last week... and it's really good!

Red's is very similar to Galooneys, and yet also very different, as though they made a very strong effort to please fans of both establishments. It's sort of like if they were remodeling Galooney's during a severe ion storm, throwing the restaurant into Star Trek's Mirror Mirror Universe. They layout was much cleaner and sleek than Galooney's was, but that was probably as much because it's new than an actual design decision. There's now a big wall blocking the kitchen, whereas it was all open at Galooney's. There are still tables out in front along the sidewalk, but the backroom seems a little smaller and just as a few booths where Galooney's had booths and tables crammed in. But the biggest change is that instead of ordering at the counter and either taking it to go or having it brought to your table (if you were lucky), you now sit down and wait for a server. You can still order at the counter to go, but if you want to eat it, you have to sit down and order from the table.

I'm not a huge fan of this change since it makes grabbing a meal there far more formal than it should be, and when there's only one or two servers, the wait can get pretty long if they suddenly get swamped at the counter and at the tables. Also, and this is maybe a selfish concern, but with table service I'm going to be forced to tip more, which might make me go there less often. Oh yeah, and instead of having self-serve soda dispensers and paper cups, they now have for here cups that you have to wait for your server to refill for you. If you want take-out, which took about fifteen minutes the first time I was there, you can only get a can of soda. If I'm waiting upwards of fifteen minutes or more for takeout, give me a paper cup and some free refills. Also, ditch the table service, since just feels awkward and slows things down way too much.

But how's the food? It's fantastic. If you loved Galooney's and have been nervous about where you're going to get another philly cheesesteak that was as good, have no fear about coming back to the same location. I actually think Red's subs are better than Galooney's were. That was such a bold statement, I had to format it as such. The menu contains more than a few mainstays from the old Galooney's menu, and you can even order some subs "Galooney's style" if you want they served the way you remember, slathered with mayo and peppers and all that good stuff. Even if you've never been to Galooney's, get your sub Galooney's style anyway. Where Galooney's subs used to come in a choice of two different sizes, Red's offers one that is midway between a large and a small. It's the perfect size, in my opinion, but maybe not if you want leftovers or are sharing. It's better than what you'd get at Caffrey's, however, which are delicious but always leave me feeling as hungry as I was when I walked in. Come to Red's and you'll leave full.

About the pizza I can't comment yet because I haven't tried it. But I already have to dock them a few points because they don't offer slices. Admittedly, I was never a big fan of Galooney's pizza, choosing to go there for the subs almost exclusively, but I would pop in every now and again for a slice and a soda. You can't do that at Red's, which totally sucks, in my opinion. They're pizza seems to be reasonably priced and I'll probably try it someday, but then again, maybe I won't. Usually when I want pizza, I go with a place I know is good. I'd be more likely to give Red's a try if they offered it by the slice. I hate to belabor the point too much, but it just doesn't make any sense to me.

The service was a bit of a mixed bag both times I visited last week, but no so bad that I hesitated to come back again within the same week. Also, it's a newly opened joint so we can't expect everything to run smoothly. But they could speed up the ordering process by putting up a big menu board instead of forcing customers to flip through the menu's kept next to the register. Also, I think they need a better computer system or something, because it seemed to take them a while to punch everything in. Also, when we asked to have our check of $16.00 split between two credit cards, the waitress charged $12.00 to each card. I have no idea how a person could make a mistake like that, but it's a pretty big one all things considered. After I explained it to her, she apologized and voided the transaction and rerang it correctly.

Also, and don't tell my girlfriend I said this, but both times I visited there were some pretty girls working behind the counter. If you're into that sort of thing. I only mention that in the interest of full disclosure about the restaurant. Back when I used to go to Galooney's, there were always cute -- not to mentioned stoned -- guys working behind the counter. This is another improvement Red's has made.

I had a few issues to be sure, and made some suggestions that might kick the place up a notch, but even if they ignore me it's still going to be a fantastic sub shop. I spent much of this year worrying about what I was going to do after the loss of Galooney's, but I can finally sleep soundly at night. Red's is here, and all is right in the world.

4.5 out of 5

Sushi Tango

The new Sushi Tango has finally opened its doors, right across the hallway from the location of the old Sushi Tango. The menu is more extensive, the space is larger and more comfortable, and the ambiance is brighter and looks more trendy. So rest assured that the wait is over and it was well worth it. Sushi Tango is back and, I'm happy to say, it's probably going to be better than ever.

Die hard fans of the old location might need a period of adjustment as they get used to the new decor and a vibe that, frankly, seems like a different restaurant all together, but much of the wait staff is the same and the food tasted as good as ever. The sushi still tasted fresh and delicious and even though the egg rolls are now called spring rolls, they tasted the same, albeit with a different sauce. The service was quite slow -- and the appetizers arrived along with the main course, which I absolutely hate -- but they did just open their doors a week or so ago, so I'm willing to give them time to work out the kinks of the new establishment. Though, to be sure, Tango's service has never been particularly fast, which is fine because the servers are friendly and personable and the food is always worth the wait. However, the new location is larger which might make it harder to flag down your server when you're ready for that second bottle of sake.

Along with the familiar menu of fantastic, original sushi rolls and traditional Japanese entrees are new Benihana-style hibachi tables which I did not try, nor did anybody while we were there. There is also a patio overlooking the Calhoun Square parking garage which looks cozy and big, but also completely devoid of tables. When I asked the server when the patio was going to open, she told me they still haven't received the ok from the city to serve food on the patio, so it remains to be seen when that will happen. I hope they sort it out soon, because nice, comfortable patios that aren't just tables set out on the sidewalk are few and far between in Uptown.

The bathrooms were also a little strange, with two mens rooms, one with just a urinal and another with just a toilet. I don't want to sound crass, but if you find yourself having to seriously take a number two, make sure you choose the door that says "mens/handicapped." A long sink under a dual-sided mirror separates the bathroom areas, allowing men and women to wash their hands across from one another. I suppose this might be fun for coeds on Saturday night, but I found the placement of the faucets right under the mirror to be quite awkward. I had to lean back as I ducked down to keep my face from hitting the mirror as I reached for the faucet. You'll see what I mean when you go there and wash your hands.

But little quirks aside, it's a lovely space housing a fantastic restaurant. If you've never been to Sushi Tango, it's one of the best sushi restaurants in the city and you're in for a real treat. If you have been to the old location, rest assured that there has been no noticeable decline in quality in their move to a bigger, better location. Sushi Tango remains my second favorite sushi restaurant after Nami, and my very favorite in Uptown. It also has a fantastic happy hour, which I discussed here.

5 out of 5

It's 5 O'Clock Somewhere

"But, Donald," you might be asking, "where can I go in uptown for a good happy hour?"

A very good question, and you came to the right place. I'm a man who enjoys nothing more than having a cold beer and some bar food... at a reasonable price, of course. And in today's economy (and boy do I hate that cliche as much as you do, but it's unfortunately true) who can turn down a good deal on both? So here is a list of my five favorite places to get happy hour in the Uptown Minneapolis area.

And I'm limited my list to Uptown because, frankly, that's where I live so that's where I go. If somebody wants to write up a list of the top five best happy hours in St. Paul or elsewhere, I'd be more than happy to post it.

Anyway, in no particular order and without further ado, five great places to get some booze and some food after work:

Figlio
Don't be intimidated by Figlio because it's a great little place with some great deals. Between the hours of 4 and 7 every day of the week, though many days have extended hours. Monday and Sunday have happy hour all day, for example. Check their website for more details. During those times, you can get wine, well drinks, and certain tap beers for 3 bucks, as well as a variety of really good appetizers. Again, check the website for the full menu, but I highly recommend the pizzas and miniburgers.

The service can be hit or miss, ranging from quite good to quite terrible (any time we've ever wanted a glass of water, for example, we've had to ask multiple times, and often been forced to finally go to the bar to get it ourselves), but the servers can also be quite sexy (for the guys and for the girls) if you're into that sort of thing. The bar can get kind of crowded (and maybe even a little douchey, but less so than most Uptown bars, in my opinion), but the ambiance is nice and the big windows keep the place sunny and bright.


The Independent
From 3-7 every night you get the following specials:

2-for-1 mixed drinks
$5 martinis
$3 select taps
$3 select house wines
$5 appetizers

That's a pretty big bang for your buck, but I recommend sticking with the beer or wine. Their mixed drinks are super weak, and the majority of their martinis, frankly, aren't very good. I used to get one called Hypnotique Breeze that was delicious, but it hasn't been on the menu the past few times I've been there. But their house wines are fine and they usually have a good selection of beers on tap.

But it's worth going there just for their appetizers. Many bars have a separate menu of snacks that they serve during Happy Hour, but the Independent actually has a few appetizers from the regular menu that they discount, all of which are well worth more than a mere $5. The nachos are huge and heaping with cheese, chicken, guacamole, and lots of other stuff, and the pizza is big enough to fill up two people (well, two girls, anyway. I can eat an entire one by myself), but my favorite is the duck dim sum. It's absolutely off the hook. They changed the recipe to pork (I think) a while ago, but quickly changed it back to duck because enough people probably complained.

The service is usually pretty terrible, and the ambiance is pretty dingy unless you sit by along the windows behind the bar, but the food is so good it's worth checking out.


Common Roots Cafe
A coffee shop -- as trendy as it may be -- seems like an unlikely choice for happy hour, but Common Roots delivers with a nice selection of $3 tap beers, $4 wine, and a small selection of $5 appetizers between 3-6pm and then 9-11pm daily. So, no, it's not a bar, but that's one of the reasons why I keep going back. There's just something nice about getting a beer at a coffee shop, especially one as cozy and laid back as this one, although there are usually way too many people hovering over their laptops. Walking to your table can be a hazard with all of the powercords littered along the floor.

The service is... ok. The people who work there all seem very nice and friendly, but sometimes you get the idea that customer service isn't always their highest priority. They need better deployment or something, since everytime I look up a different person is working at a different position. But, as I said, they're all quite nice and pleasant, though some definitely more than others. There's also a really great patio, but they should invest in some umbrellas for the tables because sometimes it gets a little too much sun.


Sushi Tango
As of the time of this writing, the Sushi Tango that was located in Calhoun Square has closed its doors, and opened up directly across the hallway. I have yet to vist the new (and, let's hope, improved) Sushi Tango location, but the details for the happy hour seem to be the same, and that's a good thing, since their offers have always been fantastic. Sushi Tango has both a mid evening and a late night happy hour most nights containing discounted wines, beers, sakes, appetizers, and sushi rolls.

Again, I haven't been to the new location, but the old Sushi Tango was a fun, hip joint with loud music and likable servers. The new location looks to be brighter and has a patio, so that's two improvements right there. As far as beers go, they have a few imports in bottle, but I usually get the sake, which comes in two different sizes, both of which are reasonably price during happy hour. The rolls are some of the best in the cities, in my opinion, and their egg rolls are my favorite in the city. They're off the hook. At least, they were. Let's hope they haven't changed the recipe when they changed locations.

The Herkimer
At first glance, Herk's happy hour doesn't seem that great. They have 2-for-1 beers and well drinks and a few discounted appetizers, all of which are ok but not worth talking about. But what sets Herk over the top is that they brew all of their own beers, and they're all fantastic. They also have some of the best burgers in town, which go great with their homebrewed beers.

Herkimer gets super crowded at night, but Happy Hour is usually laid back and quiet, and they even have a late night happy hour featuring $3 beers and well drinks. Also, they're patio is pretty decent, but I usually sit inside because I dig the ambiance of the laid back bar setting. It's just a cool place and I've never met anybody who doesn't love it.

Honorable Mentions:

Mount Fuji Sushi just opened up across from the YWCA on Hennepin, and it's fantastic. They have discounted beers and sake, and some of the best sushi rolls around. They have one of the more extensive happy hour menues around, and would've been in my top picks had I compliled a top six instead of a top five.

Cafe Barbette is worth checking out for their discounted wines, and because their happy hour portion of muscles is about as delicious as anything you'll eat during happy hour. Otherwise, they are a little too expensive and a little too trendy for my tastes, if that makes any sense. But the muscles are fantastic.

Liquor Lyle's is famous for having a wide variety of cheap happy hour specials, but I can't comment much because I've never been there. But I hear about it so often than I always mean to check it out, but it's too far down Hennepin for a guy as lazy as me. I only get happy hour at places within walking distance.

Sunnyside Up Cafe

(This restaurant has closed)

Here is all you need to know about Sunnyside Up Cafe: It has the best breakfast in the Twin Cities. But... I guess I should elaborate on that.

Sunnyside Up also offers lunch and (on certain nights) dinner, but I can't comment on either of those options because I go there for breakfast. Even were I to go there later in the day with the intention of getting lunch or dinner, I'm sure I would break down and end up getting breakfast anyway. And why not? It's just so damn good.

Calling the place a greasy spoon would probably be too flattering, and it if ever appears on that show Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives, it wouldn't be because it's a diner or a drive-in. It's one large, garishly designed room with strange, oddly captivating murals on the wall depicting anthropomorphic armadillos, turtles, and other such animals camping out in the desert. The service is curt but perfunctory, and they must have a high turn-over rate because I rarely see the same server more than once or twice. Service speed is usually pretty snappy during the week, but expect excruciatingly long waits for both a table and then your food on the weekends.

The menu contains the usual breakfast fair in the usual combinations and varieties, though the flavors are certainly extraordinary and the portion sizes are huge. You could definitely order a combination plate and finish it all in one sitting, but I don't recommend it. One of my favorite things about breakfast at Sunnyside Up is being able to take my leftovers home to eat for lunch and dinner. Along with the usual eggs, pancakes, and other breakfast standards, are the kitchen's fantastic Tex Mex inspired dishes, including the best juevoes rancheroes I've ever had (and, granted, I live in Minnesota and not Mexico) and a "cowboy" pork torillia torte that is totally off the hook.

I usually get the eggs Benedict with American fries, since the homemade hollandaise sauce is amazing, and their potatoes have just the right blend of flavor and crunch. The french toast is also fantastic in somewhat unique, having a crunchy crust made from cornflakes, or some other such cereal. And they always have different specials, combos, and new items.

I can't recommend this place highly enough, with the only downsides being occasionally slow and less than enthusiastic service, but the food is so good, and the ambiance so laid back and comfortable, that you won't mind waiting. Also, they only accept cash and checks, but there is an ATM located at the back in case you only have a credit card. Oh, and the bathrooms are pretty gross, and they take you right past the open kitchen which looks ever grosser, but the less said about that the better.

5 out of 5

Mickey's Diner

Mickey's Diner is a Twin Cities Institution. Mickey's Diner is on the National Historic Register. Mickey's Diner was seen briefly in such films as Prairie Home Companion, The Mighty Ducks, and Jingle All the Way, and featured in an episode of Rachel Ray's Tasty Travels. Mickey's Diner is the favorite restaurant of former governor and wrestling superstar Jessie "the Body" Ventura.
Oh yeah, and Mickey's Diner really sucks.
It's certainly not without its charm, of course. Dare I say Mickey's may even be the most charming restaurants in the cities. It's a stainless steel, WWII era train car style diner in the heart of St. Paul. As historical landmarks go, it's one of the oldest and most gorgeous restaurants in the city. From a distance anyway. Once you get close enough to see the rust on the steel and the grime in the windows, the charm sort of starts to fade. But don't let that scare you away! If you made it that far you may as well go in and spend an awkward 45 minutes waiting for a seat to open up so you can suffer through really terrible service and attempt to finish a completely inedible meal. But maybe I'm being harsh. After all, it is charming.
"But, Donald!" some of you are probably shouting at your computer screens. "You're completely missing the point of a diner! You don't go there for the food, you go there for the atmosphere!"
To that I say, "shove it!"
I love diners. I've grown up in diners. As much as I love a gourmet meal, I'm a simple man at heart and have always felt more comfortable in a greasy spoon dive than anywhere else. But that's provided the food is at least edible, though decent would be preferable, and actually good would be best of all. Diners are restaurants too, and diner food is good. But Mickey's Diner really sucks.
When I bit into my burger, my heart sank. It was that bad, and not just the taste, but the consistency as well. It wasn't meat. I'm not exaggerating by saying I could get a less processed, meatier burger patty at McDonald's than the one I was served at Mickey's Diner. The two people with whom I ate both got breakfast, which was marginally better than my burger, but nothing really to write home - or anywhere - about. One was a bland, kind of unappealing omelet smothered in chili and the other was a bland fried egg on toast that would've tasted better from my own kitchen. And I'm a mediocre cook. But so is the guy working the griddle at Mickey's Diner. Have I mentioned yet that their food sucks?
I suppose I'd be a little nicer and forgiving had their service been, you know, not lacking in the most basic human decency. I don't know about you, but I don't like to feel as though I'm inconveniencing a wait staff by actually eating in their restaurant. Open hostility isn't great for a patron's digestive system.
But that's just me. Maybe you'll love this place. If you do, they are open 24 hours a day in order to serve your needs. After all, Jessie Ventura wouldn't lie to you.
1 out of 5

Amazing Thailand

If you're interested in checking out Amazing Thailand, you should probably do it soon. In the three or four years I've lived in Minneapolis, that location house been home to more failed restaurants than I can count. And while Amazing Thailand is ok, I don't think it's going to be good enough to break the curse. And, really, does Uptown need another Thai restaurant?
Amazing Thailand is certainly noticeable. It's that place on Hennepin with the horrendous, rainbow-colored sign. But when you actually go inside, it's really quite cool and atmospheric. The statuary, plants, and intricate woodwork really make the place look gorgeous. There's a bar in the front, a few different rooms with tables and booths, and the usual put-some-tables-on-the-sidewalk-and-call-it-a-patio that's way too common in Uptown. Listen up, Uptown, nobody wants to eat on a sidewalk.

But enough about that… how's the food? It's ok. It's all right. It's not bad. It's a bit of a mixed bag. On my first visit, I got the duck curry and my friend got the Tom Kha soup, both of which were really good and made us eager to come back. The second visit, however, was a huge letdown.

For some reason, we decided to start off with the appetizer combo, which was a mistake because they crammed more food on there than most families in Thailand probably eat all year. Why not offer an appetizer combo that actually accommodates a party of less than, say, ten people? And make it under 22 bucks. That's just too much to pay for an appetizer. But we knew that going in, so there's nobody to blame but ourselves. I wish I had known going in that it was going to be mediocre, however. I can certainly blame the kitchen for that. Everything but the spring rolls were deep friend and sickening, especially this mass of something called an "angel wing" that seemed to be made out of cornmeal and intestines. It probably wasn't, but that's what it looked, smelled, and tasted like. But the egg rolls were quite good, and they gave us six(!!) different dipping sauces. The waiter tried to explain what they were all for, but I fell asleep before he finished his explanation. Still, I love sauce and would rather have too many than not enough, especially when they were as good as these.

Because of the appetizer combo, we decided to split some barbecued pork entrée. This was a mistake. When I said it was "barbecued pork," I should've actually described it as "deep fried pig fat." But the menu didn't say that. It actually described it as some kind of meat dish that might actually be digestible by a normal, human stomach. Now, I hate to sound like some kind of crude, uncouth, ugly American, but we couldn't eat that. You wouldn't be able to eat it either. I couldn't even chew it. We asked the waiter if it was supposed to be like that, and he said it was. Apparently, that's how people in Thailand eat their pork. He didn't apologize or offer to bring something else. He just seemed annoyed that we found it unappetizing. I suppose I should commend them for offering such authentic cuisine.

And because it was so good the first time around (and because it's a block away from my apartment), I decided to give it a third try, sticking with a curry dish with some fried rice. Very good, if unspectacular. However, for the entire time we were there, the same song kept playing on a continuous loop. And I'm not talking about a collection of Thai music that all sounds the same to my American, uncultured ears, but an actual pop song that played over and over again. I think it was John Mayer or Maroon 5 or some such thing. After an hour or so, we decided to ask the waitress about it, who hadn't noticed, but said the bartender was probably trying to be funny. We asked very nicely to have it changed, but that never happened. It probably played all night.

So, Amazing Thailand isn't a bad restaurant, it's just not that good, and I had one too many experiences that have kept me from going back since.

3 out of 5

The Melting Pot

Can anybody explain to me why I'd want to spend 100 bucks to cook my own dinner? I'm not a trained chef. I don't know what I'm doing. The main purpose for eating out is so you can have your food cooked for you by somebody who, presumably, knows what he or she is doing. Don't just give me a bowl of hot oil and a platter of raw food. Why is this appealing? Why is this considered fun? Why is this considered, dare I say it, gourmet dining?
If you haven't been to the The Melting Pot and enjoyed the forced, socially-awkwardness of preparing your own fondue, consider yourself lucky. Now, don't get me wrong, fondue in and of itself is all well and good. I used to live in Switzerland, even, so I have something of an appreciation for the cuisine. But that's in my own home, or perhaps even with a gathering of friends and family. Why would anybody go to a fondue restaurant? That'd be like if I took my dog to a daycare place that didn't feed him and made me clean up his poo. That wouldn't make any sense. That defies the purpose of doggy day care! Well, cooking my own food defies the purpose of a restaurant, I say!
Maybe I'm being unromantic. Maybe I'm being a wet blanket. But, if so, I'm in good company because even though the Melting Pot inexplicably has locations across the country, I've never met anybody who actually recommends it. You know why? Because they charge you 100 dollars to cook your own food. Maybe you don't have your own fondue set. Go to Ikea and pick up some pots and skewers for twenty bucks. Then go to the store and buy some meat and cheese and oil. Then, after dinner, count all the money you saved by not going to the Melting Pot.
Ok, Donald, so you've made it clear how you hate the very concept of the Melting Pot, but what about the execution? How do you like their food? Their food is crap. They have a variety of different flavored oils to choose from, all of which taste like oil. Put all the saffron and rosemary you want into a fondue pot and my steak is still going to taste like it was cooked in a vat of grease. So whether or not you get the low grade chuck or the filet mignon, that little chunk of meat is going to taste bland and oily and gross, as though somebody else has put it in their mouth and then spat it our on your plate.
But what about the cheese and chocolate fondues? Marginally better. I mean, you can did anything in chocolate or cheese and it's going to taste good. But, again, I don't need to spend 100 dollars for something drenched in cheese or chocolate. I can just buy a snickers bar and some nachos.
So, basically, the Melting Pot has survived this long because there are that many guys in this country who want to get laid. That's all I can figure. They must assume a fondue place will help their chances in impressing their dates. And they certainly are right that it will bring them closer, since they'll spend the rest of the night bonding over how much they hated dinner. Or, if you're a fondue lover who hates the clean up afterward, maybe I could see the appeal of eating at the Melting Pot. But, for me, there is nothing in the world that can make me want to eat in a restaurant that serves you a giant platter or raw meat and expects you to pay them for it.
Disgusting.
1.5 out of 5

Bagu Sushi

Bagu Sushi is a wonderful selection of Japanese delicacies in search of a better restaurant. It's a hallway lined with a few tables along both walls, illuminated by strange, orange lights that makes every patron's complexion resemble that of an Oompa Loompa. The seating arrangement is vastly superior in the summer, since they finally open up their wonderful, spacious backyard patio, but even then you have to stand blocking the front door as you awkwardly wait for the hostess to finally find you a table, a process that takes far too long whether you have a reservation or not.

But perhaps I'm being a bit too harsh. Sure, the lighting and the décor are garish, the seating is awkward and cramped, and the service is usually really, really slow, but it's all worth it because the sushi is really, really good. Oh, and if you live in South Minneapolis like I do, it's the only game around if you don't want to drive into the city or to uptown. The restaurant's distance from the city probably explains why they don't have a happy hour of any kind.

To be honest, I go there for the sushi so I can't really comment on their regular Japanese fare, for which there is a full and complete menu. I've had a bit here and there from what other people I was with ordered, and it all seemed pretty good if not all together outstanding. But the sushi is usually fantastic. They have the usual rolls and sashimi, and a handful or more creative, special items that you might not find anywhere else. One of my favorites is the Three Wise Guys, which is a blend of tuna, and salmon wrapped in rice and coated with tempura flakes. It's crunchy on the outside and tender in the middle, offering a wonderful flavor and texture that you don't usually find from sushi. I also recommend the Sunrise, which is a roll filled with tuna and wrapped in mango. Also, Bagu has the best Philly roll I've had in the Twin Cities. The Philly is usually filled with too much cream cheese, but Bagu is the only place I know of that actually gives you more salmon to counter the flavor of the cream.

And while the rolls are creative and well put together and the fish is always fresh and succulent, the appetizers are a bit unappetizing in my opinion. Stay away from the Japanese Bagel Balls, which are deep-fried blobs of salmon and cream cheese. Then again, with a name like "Japanese Bagel Balls," they shouldn't be too hard to avoid ordering. The salad is the usual ginger dressing you get at most Japanese restaurants, but I thought it was filled with a bit too much broccoli and onions for my tastes. The miso soup is quite good, but come on. How do you screw up miso soup?

My last of complaint is about their lack of sake. I don't mean to imply that their selection of sake is too limiting, but that their selection of sake is nonexistent. The first time I tried to order sake from Bagu I was told that they were currently looking for a distributor. This was over a year ago, and still no sake. They have a rather impressive wine selection and the usual assortment of beers, but no sake. This is a sticking point for me because I love a nice hot sake with my sushi. It would be like going to a sports bar that doesn't serve beer. Just get your sake problems sorted out already, Mr. Bagu. Every other sushi joint in town has it.

It may sound like I'm giving Bagu a mixed review, but I'm actually quite fond of the place and recommend it highly. In fact, it's because I'm so fond of it that I'm being so critical. I go there a lot because I love the food, and I would love to see it taken to that next level of exceptional cuisine. For starters, they need to create some sort of waiting area so you don't feel like a complete jerk hovering over other peoples' tables while you wait for your own. Or, at the very least, speed up the service and learn to actually have reserved tables ready when you arrive. Oh, and get some sake already, but I don't want to harp on that point too much for fear you'll think I'm an alcoholic.

4 out of 5

Blog on a Stick... Day 1

Welcome to Blog on a Stick, the admittedly awkwardly-titled new blog dedicated to life, entertainment, and dining in the Twin Cities of Minnesota. If you live in Minnesota, you'll get the title, and if you don't, why are you reading any of this anyway?

This site's intentions are simple: To create a simple, fun, collection of restaurant and business reviews for the Minnesotan everyman. You know, people like me, who are just as happy eating a deep fried Twinkie from the State Fair as they are getting a Filet Mignon at Morton's. You aren't going to see any reviews here for Morton's, although I am sure they are spectacular, but you might see my thoughts on various other restaurants, local bars, stores, and events around the Twin Cities. And maybe if I win the lottery, I'll finally get to try Morton's too.